Some of my non-desi female friends have previously expressed interest in desi men (in particular, Indian men) after watching a few hit Bollywood films.
I must say there are quite a number of handsome Indian men in cinema such as Suraj Sharma and Madhur Mittal of Million Dollar Arm fame. HUBBA HUBBA!
But Bollywood is another story. The Khans and Akshay Kumar keep romancing younger and younger heroines bringing them closer and closer to the pedophile zone.
Anyway, it will be a while before the Bollywood brainwashing of those women wears off so I decided to dedicate a post to help them find their way into the dil and dhakan of Indian men. Here are five easy steps to make an Indian man fall in love with you:-
1) Ring Ghanti at Temple
This is an excellent way to make his heart go ting-ting and sing, “Tune maari entriyaan, dil main baji ghantiyan”
For better results, make sure you are carrying a pooja ki thali. Take note from Rani in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai and the reaction of the hero.
Below is another example of SRK getting an erection in the temple grounds itself.
I’m telling you folks, this step works like a charm!
2) Eat Gol Gappe with him
They say the best way to man’s heart is through his esophagus and all the way down to his stomach. We can go further down to his…..but that would ruin Holy step number 1 (ram ram!!).
Gol gappe or pani puri is a delicious Indian snack. It is best when savored at a roadside stall. It may be accompanied with diarrhea and loose motions, depending on the level of hygiene of the seller. YUMMMM!!
Numerous films will show a song sequence of the boy and the girl enjoying some gol gappe because how else are you supposed to fill 3 hours of an overstretched Bollywood musical?!
You get the point.
3) Overact in every dimension of your life
Indian men love women who can express their full range of emotions as often as possible, enough to merit a shot of a tranquilizer.
Going to school/work:-
Going for a jog in the park:-
Getting up from a nap:-
4) Flaunt your signature look
Develop a unique style of your own and really own it.
For example, Alia Bhatt’s nostril flaring look to compensate for every serious scene. Guys really dig that…..nose booger.
Or Katrina Kaif – the woman who has managed the impossible — maintaining one expression.
5) Fast (
Eat), Pray, Love for a good husband
Last but not least, try to emulate the pooja-paath damsel in distress avatar as seen in the Diana Penty character versus the party going Deepika Padukone in the movie Cocktail.
By the way, this was the mature and charming hero of the movie. What a looker! Those women are so lucky!!
So women, what are you waiting for? Ghanti bajao, gol gappe khao, Indian man ke baahon main aa jao and bolo All izz Well. (Sad line, I know :P)
South asian men are present in large numbers all over the world, so I’m sure you can manage without any of the aforementioned steps. Good luck!