1. Build a monument for her
We all know about the wondrous Taj Mahal, a historic monument of love and romance.
Shah Jahan built the Mahal in memory of his beloved Mumtaz, who so lovingly gave him 14 children.
If I had to pop out 14 little humans out of my body, the least the man can do is build a big sculpture for me.
2. Use pick-up lines based on the industry she works in
I have some original ones below for your convenience.
Math & Sciences
“Girl, you brighten my day, your fragrance lingers longer than radioactive decay.”
“Heaven knows you can’t be real, you are blissfully C4H10O-eal.”
“Girl, everyday you be calculatin’, when are we going carbon dating?”
“Your balance sheet looks great. I checked out your assets before coming over.”
“Damn I’d tap her…..weighted average asset portfolio.”
“We are one kiss away from making an oral cont(r)act.”
“I am going to sue you for making me fall…..irrevocably in love with you.”
3. Set the right mood with a romantic song
Any Govinda song will do. Sarkai Lo Khatiya is appropriate if you need to align your body parts in the Sextans and Bootes constellations (yes, those are real constellation names)
Here are my personal recommendations:
1. Kabhi neem neem, kabhi shahed shahed, mora piya (Yuva)
(Sometimes you love me like hot and sour soup, sometimes like sweet corn.)
2. Unchi hain Building, lift teri bandh hain (Judwa)
(How many buttons do I have to press to get on your right floor?)
3. And my personal favorite – “Jab Tu Lagavelu Lipastic”
(Applying cosmetics in front of Bhojpuri men is injurious to health)
4. Show maturity about her body
Post puberty, we tend to put on more weight on our hips, thighs and breasts. Men are likely to put on more pounds near their belly.
To be honest, we love the excess deposits of fat on our chest as much as you do (hetero folks). Admiring someone for their beauty by looking their way is cool but unless you are a baby that needs to be breastfeed, ogling breasts is not cool. The same goes for the natural deposit of fat on our behinds. Yes, many of us wear dresses that wonderfully compliment our shape and figures, but our butts are a cushion to sit on — not to be whistled, stared or grabbed at free will.
Another post-puberty phenomenon is developing follicles of keratin in various parts of the body – i.e. hair. Self-grooming is great for hygiene but don’t expect women to have perfectly smooth bodies all year round while you flaunt your body hair with ease. And if you want to empathize with our pain, try waxing once in your life.
Last but not least, the periodic phenomenon that unites women and almost makes us wish we were men for a few days — menstruation.
A period is Mother Nature’s way of letting us know we are not pregnant with a Game of Thrones wedding reference. If you show some understanding on this binding, biological deal, she may even be willing to be pregnant and pass on your genius genes into the pool of evolution someday :]
p.s. Sometimes even having a baby in your vicinity will bring “aww”-ing women towards you.
5. Respect her
On a serious note, it is common sense that you earn respect by respecting others. Women don’t need to be treated in a more special accord than men but the point is – you respect us, we will respect you. Capisce?
The language used is this video is not particular to India. Women face similar verbal garbage in different languages and dialects.