How to Make an Indian Woman Fall in Love With You

Chances are you have found at least one odd Indian woman attractive in your lifetime. Being that I have ovaries and an Indian background, I can offer some pointers to help you out in this department.

1. Profess your love to her with a song or two or three

In a typical Bollywood movie, 2.5 out of the 3 hours are spent in just singing love songs to the heroine and these songs consist of the same recycled lyrics of pyaar and mohabbat.

“Ishq Wala Love” was the epitome of applying minimal creativity to those over-used words.
Since there is so much talk of love and no actual love-making, the hero can do nothing but exude charming horniness as seen below. (Secret placement of flowers for fapping)

For your benefit, here is a sample song to sing to your beloved, inspired by Aashiqui 2 soundtrack:

Tu hai meri aashiqui, tu hi meri zindagi

Jo maa-baap ne mujhe shiksha di, tere pyaar ne sab tatti main milaadi,

Tu hi mera wujood, tu hi deti hai mujhe raat ko “wood”

Aise rondu gaane gaa kar, apni beizzati maine kar li

Also, one more “muft ka” tip – No logical Indian woman will be woo-ed by lyrics like “blue eyes, hypnotize teri kardi hai mainu” or any other lines that are expelled from the anus of Honey Singh.

I highly recommend you grace her with compliments that relate to yesteryear gems of Indian Cinema – ethereally mesmerizing Madhubala, or the stunning Smita Patil. This will convince her that you can think of her in a context beyond the excitable object that lies below your belt.

2. Loaf around her neighborhood

Shakespeare sowed the seed for this strategy in the way that Romeo romanced Juliet on her balcony.

There are innumerable cinematic examples of lunatic lovers roaming the streets of their beloved at borderline chowkidaar hours.

Love Aaj Kal

love aaj kal

Nine times out of ten, his lady love miraculously falls in love after a few “gaanas” and doses of street harassment.

The only downside of employing this step in real life is receiving a restraining order in the mail.

3. Enact the character of the romantic hero she so desires

Can you annoyingly laugh your way into her heart by eve-teasing her on a European excursion as SRK does in DDLJ?

Can you embody the testosterone fueled Punjabi farmboy who impresses a London kudi with moves to the tune of Himesh Reshammiya as Akshay Kumar does in Namastey London?

Can you play guitar in your neighborhood park/work in a fish market/and sing random Punjabi songs around clueless (white) people to make a billionaire hottie fall in love with you in Jab Tak Hai Jaan?

jjth

If so — you are very much capable of winning the love of any Indian woman who secretly desires such vagabond men. Also, dear 20 something women – please, for god sakes, don’t take singing lessons from random 40+ year olds males in your City.

4. Do You Has A Education?

Most Indian women I know (close to my age) are highly accomplished and have successful careers. And they are likely to have high expectations from the men they procreate with.

I’m sure we all so fondly remember our desi moms in the multi-tasking avatar of Goddess Parvati.

bahu

If you expect your Indian woman to be some kind of submissive sati-savitri who worships your every move, be prepared to get bitch-slapped by each one of those hands 😛

5. Last but not least — Impress her folks

The best way to an Indian woman’s heart is often through her parents.

The ever sanskari Alok Nath made it clear in the movie Pardes that “Ganga apne babuji ki amanat hai.” I was surprised when he didn’t trade his daughter for three goats and a bag of coal. 

Few tips to waltz your way into her family’s hearts:

Dad: Bring your pay stub/show off your salary package.

Mom: Compliment her food/beauty/kids/attire/basically everything

Chacha/Mama/Kakas:– Brag about how many connections you have with the police/ministers/general Indian administration.

Mausi/Mami/Buas:– Lure them with Mata Ki Chowki invites at your house once every few months because how else are bored housewives supposed to pass time?

You’re welcome 😛

If you wish to know how to make an Indian man fall in love with you — see this old post. Good luck! 🙂

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Bollywood, Humor, Imagination, India, Sarcasm, Satire and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to How to Make an Indian Woman Fall in Love With You

  1. hahahaha 😀 we needs more educations as social animales

  2. Gayatri Viswanathan says:

    This is so accurate while being wonderfully hilarious! It’s downright silly that Bollywood filmmakers get away with this hogwash. Perhaps it’s time for the Indian audience to get some quality entertainment, and not just something that is ‘preferred by everyone’. Name one sane and dignified person who finds any of these films entertaining and I might as well just believe that romantic movies serve any any other purpose apart from being etched in our nightmares.

    • Haha thank you gayatri! They are nightmarish and yet the stars are celebrated as cinematic icons when they are no less than cow dung. Though, there are a few gems of romance in Hindi cinema but we only get to see them once or twice a year.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s