Below are real quotes that I or my girlfriends have been witness to.
“Marry because the boy’s family is well-off”
I once met an aunty who repeatedly told my mom about how many plots of land they own in Delhi. And she was concerned why I still wasn’t showing interest in her son.
Look lady, do you have a fallout shelter in case of a nuclear explosion?
Do you have the necessary tools to survive a zombie apocalypse?
If not, I’m sorry you are not well-off 😛
“Is she healthy enough to produce an offspring (son)?”
Thankfully, I maintain a calendar with records of my monthly menses, dating back to circa 2003.
With such regular oil-changes, my womb of a vehicle can go from zero to conception in no time.
But I must warn you, I made a deal with Goddess Kali to only house XX chromosomes 😉
Now, does the man keep a record of his ejaculations and vaccinations?
[p.s Adoption is also a great recourse.]
“Will she worship our God?”
Let me illustrate the redundancy of this question with a joke.
3 men were about to die on a sinking ship.
The Christian thanked Jesus.
The Muslim thanked Allah.
The Hindu was too busy trying to figure out which of the multiple Gods to thank.
It doesn’t matter who your God is. Just try being a good human being till the time you end up on that last ship of your life.
“Can you cook for him?”
Every women in my family has been asked this question by a member of the prospective groom’s family.
Does your son know how to perform an activity that provides sustenance and can possibly save his life?
Knowledge of cooking is important for all. One can only survive on restaurant food for so long.
Plus, who doesn’t love to eat?
“Why haven’t you waxed your arms?”
True story – When the groom’s family visited my friend’s home to fix the alliance, she was asked this question by the man. It didn’t work out for obvious reasons.
If anyone has watched PK recently, you will see Aamir Khan, Sushant Singh Rajput, and even Ranbir Kapoor with perfectly clean chests. But we all know Indians are hairy in reality.
Men and women of all ethnicities grow body hair. Just because Bollywood has brainwashed us to think otherwise doesn’t mean every Indian woman has the smooth arms and legs of a Katrina Kaif.
Self-grooming is great but with our busy lives, you will catch us at our non-depilated moments too. We are human after all 🙂
“Do you really need to work after marriage? I make enough”
Financial independence is a wonderful thing. Neither spouse has to beg the other for money each time they wish to purchase something for the house or themselves.
If both spouses are working and busy, sanity is achievable. Plus more savings for the future!
“How will you ‘behave’ in front of your in-laws?”
If you are a girl living in India, chances are that you have been asked this question multiple times. From an early age, we are provided training to appease the boy’s family, as if our freedom is somehow marring the reputation of our maternal home.
When my friend and I were leaving for a party, the first thing her parents told her was – “Wait till we get you married. Your in-laws will not allow you to attend such events.”
I don’t recall them ever questioning their son.
Women are scrutinized and restricted more for their life choices, whether it be their careers or social life. Men– you may have observed this with your mother, sister and girl friends.
“Oh, she is from abroad? Those women cause more divorces”
Let’s eradicate this notion that there are more successful marriages in India than in the US.
With the exception of one aunt who is school teacher, all the ladies of my family are housewives. The primary reason their marriages have survived is because of their tolerance in meeting the constant demands of their in-laws and extended relatives.
It is akin to college ragging where the saas will do the same with her bahu that was done unto her by her saas.
This mentality is changing with literacy and empowerment of women.
If a marriage is sincerely not working out, or one partner is abusive or violent, divorce is a necessary step for the benefit of both and their children. Social stigma and lack of financial resources prevent women from leaving.
Laws do need to become more gender neutral so they don’t favor one over the other. But if you think they unfairly target men in cases of alimony, do see how much Halle Berry pays to her ex-husband.
Do share any absurd phrases of your own, if you have any. We will tackle them together 🙂