The Un-Pavitra Rishta of Condoms and Pads – India’s Need for Better Sex Ed

Ekta Kapoor should make a new serial titled – Un-Pavitra Rishta and place condoms and pads as its main protagonists. Whilst the former is used for an act of intimacy still viewed as “indecent”, the other is needed as part of a biological function viewed as “impure”.

Even today, kuch kuch hota hai when Indians discourse on topics related to sex. For the most part, sex in India has been a combination of taboo banter, off screen, and titillating rape scenes, on screen. The general consensus is that there is serious lack of education on the subject, not just in India but other nations too.

How sex is commonly portrayed in Indian cinema….

Remember that scene where the Lisa Haydon character in Queen takes off her red bra in the restroom and gives it to Kangana?

Even that is not spared by the Indian Censor board as the bra is conveniently blurred because revealing a supporting garment for your breasts is akin to blasphemy. 

Bollywood and TV shows also make ample use of the “suhaag raat” trope.

The Monthly Menses

As an accountant at work, I have to take part in the monthly review of all company accounts and bring them to a close so the next month can start on a fresh cycle. As a woman, my body does the same with my period.

Even today, many young girls do not receive proper guidance about menstruation and just go with the flow.

For something that is a monthly activity for nearly half the world’s population, you’d think people in India would be more receptive to the concept of women wearing sanitary napkins to deal with the biological event. But that is not the case.

Growing up, I found that every store owner at any goods shop would wrap the packet of pads in a layer of black polythene bags or brown paper bag. This was done to avoid any awkward glares in case someone saw me holding it as I would walk back to my home.
God forbid, anyone thinks I am healthy and fertile owing to my regular menstruation. I felt like I was carrying some secret nuclear weapon that must be concealed from general public’s view.
Today, in the US, I can walk to the appropriate aisle and place a pack of pads into my open cart with ease. The cashier does not specially wrap the pads to conceal them.

For many women in developing nations, pads are not accessible which causes young girls to drop out of school. A society’s expectation to hide a natural bodily function can make them fearful of even asking for the purchase of pads, especially if the store-owner is male. Women can become hesitant to share their menstrual woes and irregularities with doctors, let alone female family members and friends. 

An Easy Way to Talk about Menstruation with Men

Ladies, if you want an easy way to discuss menstruation with your boyfriend or spouse, just sing Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis. Here are my edited lyrics below. Let them know that regular menstruation implies you are healthy.

“Closed off from (my love)
I didn’t need the (period) pains
Once or twice (a month) is enough
(Till pregnancy and menopause) it is all in vain
Time starts to pass (before I bleed again) 
Now you know that I…

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding
(Every month) I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding (my love)”

Condoms in a Land Condemning Sexual Freedom

India is largely a sexually repressed society which will improve with generations to come. Contrast this with the US which practically has a Museum of Sex in New York City!

As a kid, I used to cover my eyes each time a semblance of a sexually arousing scene or a condom ad would surface on TV. Either that or my parents would just switch to another channel.

One time, my dad frantically fast forwarded some sex scenes in “Life in a Metro” whilst my grandma was watching it with us on a rented DVD, which just goes to show how his cultural apprehensions were inherited by his kids. I also went to watch “Delhi Belly” with my parents in the cinema hall, where the option of fast forwarding was not available. When that oral sex scene surfaced on screen, it was, perhaps, the most awkward two minutes of my life. Hilarious, but awkward.

Amongst my naive peers in high school, bringing up such sex related words would simply induce nervous giggles.
Pimply teenager #1: “It was my first time flying on Virgin Atlantic.”
Pimply teenager #2: “ZOMG! He said virgin! Bwahahahah”
Pimply Me: “You do know it’s an airline company?”
Pimply teenager #3: “Oh, so only virgins can fly on that plane? LOLOL”

It was only because of American sitcoms (e.g. Rachel’s unplanned baby in Friends) that I understood more about sex. It is also no surprise that Indians, especially men, learn the most about sex by privately watching porn – feeding unrealistic expectations of intimacy and love.

HIV in India

Even though HIV prevalence rates have declined in India over the last decade, HIV death rates are still very high (3rd highest in the world based on CIA 2012 rankings). Usage of condoms is key to prevention and sex education is a vital part of that process.
Many ignorant folks believe that promoting sex education will “spoil” their kids. Rather, such education is focused on understanding about methods of contraception, implications of teen and unplanned pregnancies due to psychological and financial burden of raising a child, as well as prevention and protection from sexually transmitted diseases. The onus lies on parents as well as the school and state sponsored sex literacy programs.

Below are wonderful examples from NYC gov that I have seen posted in subways, trains, and buses to deter teen pregnancies. Apart from these ads, studies have shown that sound education about using condoms and access to birth control helps in further decline of unplanned pregnancies and therefore, abandoned children.

Sex Education in Schools

Having served as a substitute teacher in my local school district made me discover that all 5th graders have to go through a mandatory puberty education seminar. Most of the students were apprehensive to hear about how their bodies will change but it was a necessary exercise. One boy told me that he didn’t want to grow up and another girl was irritated to know that she would bleed every month as she loved to swim. Being an adult qualifies me to be humored by their comments because puberty is not fun for anyone. Since many kids suffer from various disorders due to bodily changes and don’t receive proper guidance from friends or hesitant parents, it is imperative that we address these issues via education.

Personal note about my educational experience in India

My high school did organize a menstruation seminar for all girls to address their pains and problems with female specialists much later in 9th grade; however, it did not have a similar seminar on sex education for girls and boys. My high school is also home to a MMS scandal wherein a boy shared a private video with his friends which went viral. Though the girl consented to the filming of the sexual act by the boy, the girl was ostracized after it went viral and had no option but to flee the country, mainly because the regressive Indian society still places greater blame on the woman for losing her “izzat” (honor). 

With the recent Hobby Lobby case in the US, it seems like even developed nations have a long way to go.

Below, I have a five simple tips for men and women alike to achieve a progressive society. If you have any of your own, do share them in the comments section.

1. School and parents should have a healthy discussion about bodily changes and sex with children as they approach puberty
2. Women’s bathrooms should have the facility to discard sanitary napkins in proper wastebaskets
3. Contraception should be accessible and affordable to both men and women
5. Sex (with consent) can be beautifully expressed in art and censoring it limits the freedom of a society’s adults
4. Women and men should not feel ashamed to purchase sanitary napkins in public view

Thank you for reading. Namaskar.

 

Five Signs that a Guy Likes You

Please note that if you are even remotely similar in appearance to a Sunny Leone, or have the flair of an Emma Watson, you probably don’t need this list. For us lesser (endowed) humans, here are some pointers:-

1) He wants to get close to you

Phil Dunphy shows you how.

1) He wants to see you happy

He will appreciate your sense of humor, no matter how full of corn your jokes may be.

It is difficult to say if he is really laughing behind all his “haha”s and “lol”s but it is safe to assume it is out of pity. LOL 

3) He is genuinely excited about the prospect of being with you

Just don’t crap your pants Swanson.

4) He is willing to dedicate his time to do things you like

Here is Exhibit A of a man who passed out from mall overdose.

Other examples include watching sappy love stories like “The Fault in our Stars” with you (as you sacrifice your time watching sequel after sequel of Transformers with him.)

5) He will put in extra effort to impress you

The longer you watch this guy, the more you realize how much your own eyebrows are out of shape.

But in all seriousness, if he truly loves you, he will stay by your side till the end, through the good times and the bad 🙂

 

Her First and Last Love

She had begun to love every little detail about the world. The piled up folders in her tiny cubicle; the weight of her company laptop that hung over her shoulder like Coleridge’s dead albatross, a reminder of the work to be done in perpetuity; the annoying chatter of commuting passengers no longer affected her senses. She could filter out the dreariness and noise with ease.

Suddenly, every taste, every sight and every sound appeared to be magnified in its beauty; the colors more vivid and ordinary sounds turning into intoxicating music for the ears. Eating and sleeping seemed superfluous when she would rather be in his embrace. His generous pecks on the nape of her neck soothed away her exhaustion from the day and his tender kisses on her lips put her into a trance. He was a gifted kisser, no doubt. Every week, they stole parting kisses under a new street corner of the City. In their youthful spontaneity, all the streets seemed the same. 

One can return a piece of merchandise but there are no such refunds in matters of loving another soul. She knew she would always preserve a piece of his heart in hers. Despite his willful and abrupt departure from her life, she hoped he would do the same with the part she unwillingly gave to him.

There was no rationale provided for the abandonment; the reasoning left to her own freeing imagination. She chose to reason that she was not deserving of such a fate and that he was deserving to make his own for two souls never belong to each other, they just come to meet. Some stay, some return, and some leave to forge bonds with others in destiny. 

—————————————————————————————–

He had become so accustomed to darkness that the sun was unbecoming to his eyes, paralyzing his movement in the day. He would see many like himself on the street and playgrounds, albeit with shiny coats, combed hair, and radiant eyes, happily strolling along with their loved ones.

They would walk past him with pitiful eyes, until they found a new object and their quota of empathy was completed for the day. Their stares made him feel invisible at first, but it was quickly negated on account of the beating he faced as he attempted to steal some food from them at night.

————————————————————————————–

Years later, she had finally come to forgive him but if you chanced to ask her, she could still recall the exact spots of they city where they held hands and dreamed of how their kids would resemble each other; the exact spots on her body where he caressed her with his empty kisses and promises. There was no drug or device to erase such memories and she knew she would have to live with them forever. She harbored no intention to see him again and loathed every detail of the world that reminded her of him.

—————————————————————————————-

He had no one to go to, no where to come from. His identity card was blank, freeing for those bound to shape their own, but for him, it was nothing but a terrible acknowledgment that he was disposable by those who brought him into this world. If he had any peace, it was in knowing that he was losing his health and deliverance was mere breaths away. His only objective lay in wasting more breaths as his body wasted away about the same.

—————————————————————————————-

She had become shrewd and masked the pain of her abandonment with coldness. When she caught a reflection of herself in a shop window, it was painfully evident that her loving innocence was lost.

That innocence was lying on the ground.

She picked him off the street, bathed him, and fed him a sumptuous meal with her own hands. At first, he resisted the love, thinking such good fortune could not be bestowed upon him without some receiving some form of abuse. But gradually, he gave way. Her loving embrace made him feel at home. Each evening, she would take him out for a walk and he would bestow her with sloppy kisses at the same intersections she once met her first love. He would always remain her last.

In their mutual abandonment, they developed a rare connection.

Once again, she began to love every little detail about the world.

—————————————————————————————-

Writer’s note: This is a story of a woman adopting an abandoned puppy.

Being loved is a privilege that few can enjoy from unconditional hearts. Any other form of love is a synthetic derivative of some lowly emotion that is meant to possess in ego. Personally, I have experienced more unconditional love from animals than humans. 

The Humorous Side-effects of Screwed Up Sex Ratios in India

Equitable balance in population and power between both genders is critical to a progressive nation.

Of course this a grave issue that merits serious attention but I want to shed light on other issues that arise from such a scenario (in a humorous context).

Below are five of the less talked about side-effects of having sex ratios in favor of men in present day Indian society. Enjoy!

1. Men pretending to be women on social networks to woo other men

This is prime case of a brother helping another brother. There is enough desperation for female attention to go around. You friend ship?

2. South Asian women having an inbox full of hilarious messages

a) My favorite chat of all time.

b) My favorite message of all time.

Translation of text: My elementary school English class was worthless. He had me at “restrain myself.”

c) I wish I could remember you….unknown man with Tom Cruise profile picture. Also, I’m so proud of myself to get that one “Heya sis” message. My feminist posts have come to good use.

3. Men dressing up as women on TV

Kapil Sharma’s comedy show is entertaining yet it can become predictable for the same puns, most of which revolve around some man dressed as a woman. Seriously, this scarcity of women has deeply hit the entertainment bijiness.

There is also an affectionate yet drunkard dadi, who is actually a man in real life played by actor Ali Asgar. As Dadi, Ali has single-handedly kissed almost all the famous men of India. Big salute to you sir for your contributions to male populace because many women sure as hell wouldn’t want to suffer such a fate.

Of course, some men don’t hesitate to take advantage of the situation as seen below.

4. Men dressing up as heroines to romance men in movies

What’s worse than comical looking men failing to tickle our funny bone? Comical men dressing up as women to tickle our funny bone.

See the images below at your own risk.

The one on the left is inspired from Hungry Hungry Hippos.

The one in the middle is Akhilesh Yadav’s doppleganger.

The one on the right is Genelia D’souza.

That’s more cleavage than I can ever aspire for. 

5. Last but not least, men dancing with hoards of other men in Bollywood songs

Akshay Kumar : “Hey guys, did you see a woman anywhere that I lecherously whistle at, being my signature on-screen move?” 

Sallu bhai : “Thana main baithe kare duty, bajaye haye pandeyjee seeti.”

If you didn’t get the “seeti” innuedo, Salman Bhai is demonstrating the art of masturbation to other frustrated policemen. What a benevolent social service! FAP FAP FAP

Let us all do our part in restoring the sex ratio and get rid of the aforementioned social ills. 

Ok tata.

World’s No. 1 Place to Travel

Suraj was browsing through the headlines in his news app when he found another article ranking top tourist destinations around the world. He felt some solace in having visited 4 cities out of the 10, yet he couldn’t digest stacking one spot over another, as if experiences of a place and time could be measured so arbitrarily in print. Mumbai was ranked last for least friendly passersby, yet it is where he felt the most warmth from the people. Zurich was ranked above Istanbul but how can a city that boasts of the greatest investment of foreign currency reserves in its Swiss coffers surpass a city that so stunningly connects Asia and Europe? That list was valid only for the author of those rankings.

A native of Mumbai, Suraj had lived in London for most of his adult life. The predominant winters of the city rarely succeeded in cooling his short temperament, yet they kept him frozen in his lifestyle. His only commute was to his sound proof office cabin and one bedroom home. The other side of his bed remain unoccupied since the time he moved in, except for a stranger every now and then from a night out.

Over time, anything that didn’t go his way manifested into a complaint. Suraj had become so accustomed to affirmations from those reporting to him and the acquaintances who gave him company at his expense that he had lost familiarity with ‘No.’ Despite an abounding social circle, he would have to struggle to name even one as a sound contact in a time of need.

One winter, an incident of road rage on his part damaged his luxury ride, yet Suraj miraculously remained unscathed from the accident. With his vehicle out for repair, he was forced to ride public modes of transportation for at least a week. As he stood inside the populated tube, his mind was quick to churn out complaints of those around him. The crying baby; the lady with the annoyingly audible music from her headphones; the overweight man whose arm touched his. He had experienced greater invasion of personal space riding on packed Mumbai trains in his youth, yet those instances had not evoked as much frustration then as his privileged life had hardened him now.

The Tube came to an abrupt halt, moments before arrival at his stop. The conductor announced a delay due to a technical fault in the line and there was no word on when the train would resume its motion. It was a sufficient stimulus for him to curse and bang his fist on the side door. His actions startled those around him. He wished to scream out loud that very instant, yet restrained himself on account of the stares that passed his way. Any deviance in normal behavior in such a perfectly organized city is likely to be treated as a mental disease. He remained perfectly silent.

Two weeks later, he shifted his base back to Mumbai.
The mob like congregation of locals at the Gateway and Leopold, the deafening sounds of vehicular traffic, and the general disarray of humanity, in its overwhelming wealth and misery alike, somehow brought him ease.

As Suraj stood facing the waves at Juhu, he let out the scream that had waited its release since years. The enveloping chaos of the city soothed his mind and taught him to accept how little was in his control.

In Mumbai’s ineffable disorder, he found peace. 

————————————————————-

Chandan worked as a peon for several bosses at a large trading firm and traveled on the same crowded bus every morning and night for the past five years. Even in his routine commute, there was plenty variety in the passengers who occupied every space that could possibly accommodate another human being. 

An Amma peeled a ripe mango for her grandson to eat and threw the garbage out the window; a baby was being discretely breastfed under a lady’s burqa; and like an acrobatic feat, a man sandwiched between two other standing passengers managed to read an entire newspaper with one hand. Normalcy was not a constraint.

The pollution of Kolkata’s air mingled effortlessly with the noise pollution of the city. Traffic moved at a snail’s pace. For an outsider, it would be nothing short of a miracle to see the city function in such a haphazard fashion. People’s bargaining chatter, the priest’s pious chants, the police’s sirens beckoning to bribe, the pitiable cries of red light beggars, and rattling sounds of passing rickshaws, diesel trucks, and scooters, all blended into a uniquely powerful sound pattern that no earplugs could defeat. At work, the chaotic commotion continued in other forms with the onslaught of admin tasks that were shouted Chandan’s way in a most patronizing manner.

A chance application into a visa lottery system brought Chandan the rare opportunity to work as a taxi driver in New York City. He was more than happy to escape his current city and start his life anew. With a loan from a distant relative and the small bit of savings from work, he made his airline reservation, bought a bigger suitcase, and packed all his essentials into it. The distant relative was assured he would receive regular remittances from Chandan in return for his loan.

The day Chandan quit his job, he gave no notice and didn’t show up for work. He was easily replaced and his absence went largely unnoticed. Riding on a plane for the first time was not as spellbinding as his first impression of Manhattan. When he made his way into the city center from the airport, he was amazed by its orderly flow of operations. For him, it was nothing short of a modern day oasis.

A year into his job, he felt immensely grateful in spite of some its harsher working conditions and the tiny accommodation shared by other poor immigrants. Even then, he found no reason to complain. Every morning, he would take a quick stroll in one of the City’s beautiful parks where he saw locals following their designated path to cycle, throw their trash in designated bins, and pick up their pet’s poop in designated pet stations.

Outside the park, folks neatly parked their vehicles in marked lots and walked in neatly assigned sidewalks.

In New York City, Chandan found the one thing he had been yearning for all his life — calming orderliness.

Writer’s note:

Folks in developed nations travel to so-called “exotic” countries for the same reason folks in developing countries travel to US and Western Europe – to see what they don’t have. 

Personally, the No. 1 place to travel would be the local library where you can find an ideal book that will help you traverse continents, time zones, and adopt new roles, all for free 🙂 In other words, the No. 1 place to travel is within the depths of your own imagination.

p.s. Rankings of any form of art or place limit the soulful gifts that it offers, in all its poverty and beauty alike. This is relevant for any form of artistic absorption, say reading a book or listening to music.

 

How to Make an Indian Man Fall in Love with You

Some of my non-desi female friends have previously expressed interest in desi men (in particular, Indian men) after watching a few hit Bollywood films.

I must say there are quite a number of handsome Indian men in cinema such as Suraj Sharma and Madhur Mittal of Million Dollar Arm fame. HUBBA HUBBA!

But Bollywood is another story. The Khans and Akshay Kumar keep romancing younger and younger heroines bringing them closer and closer to the pedophile zone.

Anyway, it will be a while before the Bollywood brainwashing of those women wears off so I decided to dedicate a post to help them find their way into the dil and dhakan of Indian men. Here are five easy steps to make an Indian man fall in love with you:-

1) Ring Ghanti at Temple

This is an excellent way to make his heart go ting-ting and sing, “Tune maari entriyaan, dil main baji ghantiyan”

For better results, make sure you are carrying a pooja ki thali. Take note from Rani in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai and the reaction of the hero.

Below is another example of SRK getting an erection in the temple grounds itself.

I’m telling you folks, this step works like a charm!

2) Eat Gol Gappe with him

They say the best way to man’s heart is through his esophagus and all the way down to his stomach. We can go further down to his…..but that would ruin Holy step number 1 (ram ram!!).

Gol gappe or pani puri is a delicious Indian snack. It is best when savored at a roadside stall. It may be accompanied with diarrhea and loose motions, depending on the level of hygiene of the seller. YUMMMM!!

Numerous films will show a song sequence of the boy and the girl enjoying some gol gappe because how else are you supposed to fill 3 hours of an overstretched Bollywood musical?!

You get the point.

3) Overact in every dimension of your life

Indian men love women who can express their full range of emotions as often as possible, enough to merit a shot of a tranquilizer.

Going to school/work:-

Going for a jog in the park:-

Getting up from a nap:-

4) Flaunt your signature look

Develop a unique style of your own and really own it.

For example, Alia Bhatt’s nostril flaring look to compensate for every serious scene. Guys really dig that…..nose booger.

Or Katrina Kaif – the woman who has managed the impossible — maintaining one expression.

5) Fast (Eat), Pray, Love for a good husband

Last but not least, try to emulate the pooja-paath damsel in distress avatar as seen in the Diana Penty character versus the party going Deepika Padukone in the movie Cocktail.

By the way, this was the mature and charming hero of the movie. What a looker! Those women are so lucky!!

So women, what are you waiting for? Ghanti bajao, gol gappe khao, Indian man ke baahon main aa jao and bolo All izz Well. (Sad line, I know :P)

South asian men are present in large numbers all over the world, so I’m sure you can manage without any of the aforementioned steps. Good luck!

How My Experience at a Women’s College Empowered Me For Life

The first time I attended a Scholarship reception event at Douglass College, I was humbled beyond measure. My donor was generous in her contributions. A self-made lady, she wished nothing more than to see me genuinely succeed in my endeavors, as did the other women alumnae for their recipients.

That is the beauty of Douglass – a diverse society of women helping other women, from fostering women’s leadership spirit, to mentoring, commendable curriculum and providing financial assistance. (Men were also welcome to visit within the larger Rutgers University campus and free to take the gender studies classes alongside the women.)

Personally, this experience was a revelation as my childhood in Delhi consisted of seeing my aunts and even my own mother depending on their husbands to make decisions for them. This is not necessarily a bad thing in small doses but the women in my family are well-educated enough to be independent thinkers within the infrastructure of their marriage.

My mother being the most qualified, as a physician, wished to work and earn her own money but the career oriented woman was a less evolved figure at that time in India. Another challenge was the tendency of women deriving satisfaction from lessening the freedom accorded to other women in the family. For example, my grandma performed immense number of (unpaid) household chores since a teenager and she lost many opportunities for growth in terms of education and work. Though she was happy with my mother’s qualifications to treat illnesses at home, she wasn’t very keen on seeing her daughter-in-law spending so much time time outside of her domestic duties.

A generation later, Indian women have come a long way to continue working after marriage and maintaining sound careers. Yet even today, many women cringe at the sight of seeing a merited woman get ahead, whether it be at home or work, a mentality pervasive across cultures and continents. This too can change but it does not come easy. My current workplace at Helen Keller International is prime example of change where the CEO, CFO, Controller and other top leadership roles are held by women. 

Another element of male versus female psychology I have come to observe, both personally and professionally, is that when something goes well, say a promotion, a man is likely to feel that he is deserving of it. A woman is likely to attribute it to her good luck. On the other end of the spectrum, when something goes bad, a man will brush it off on fate whereas a woman is likely to internalize it and blame herself.

When I received my first scholarship based on my GPA, the late Dean Munson, who headed that department at that time asked me to come into her office. She was a lively young spirit, despite her old age, and she was loved by one and all. When she asked me how I felt upon receiving the merit based aid which was competitive in nature, I said that it must be my good fortune. I will never forget her words after that. “Lady, don’t you ever discount your hard work like this again. You earned this award.”

As women, we often try to fit the mold that is expected of us from a man’s perspective, a trait I have been guilty of myself in the past. At some point, I was foolish to aspire to be in a beauty pageant or apply fairness creams because that is what was primarily fed to girls from mainstream Indian media.

Because of Douglass, I could select powerful female role models such as Sunitha Krishnan, Ellen Page, Kangana Ranaut etc. At times, it is easy to pit one woman against another by making ad hominem attacks but Douglass taught its graduates to carve their own path of being a strong woman than to blindly follow in the shoes of another.

Because of Douglass, I could dis-empower the memories of the perverts in the Hindi teacher of my high school, in the boys studying in the adjacent school, and regressive culture of my hometown. If I have anything positive to say about Delhi in the front of women’s safety, I’d say its adjacent city, Gurgaon, is perhaps even worse. Though if you were to really research on the the kind of attacks and violence women face in cities around the world, you would have a hard time coming up with a formidable ranking based on a nation’s regressive reality. When I see a headline about a woman abducted and gangraped for 2 years in India, I remember the monster that is Ariel Castro and the three woman he held captive for over a decade in the States. When I read about a vicious acid attack against a woman in Pakistan, I think of a similar predicament on the rise in Italy.

Uniting women is not easy in a world that preys on ranking us even before we develop breasts and ascertaining our worth superficially under a microscope.

If we are attractive, we must be harebrained and if we happen to be qualified or demonstrate wit, we must be poor in appearance. Of course, Mayim Bialik proves that is not the case in real life.

We are subliminally brainwashed from an early age to, at the very least, be fuckable to the opposite gender. In this self-imposed mind prison, many of us will go to great lengths to fulfill that artificial photogenic desirability, the kind of perfectionism expected of women in porn, an industry with a predominant male customer base.

[Porn is an important issue, not only because of the emphasis on penetration rather than the more compassionate aspects of making love, but because of the need for younger and newer females to feed the male gaze often compensated by sex slavery of the female victims.]

Dark or fair, we are one.

Burqa or bikini, we are the same humanity of women.

Yes, you may find women oppressed to cover up in the East or pressurized to show more skin in the West, but those of us who freely choose their attire should be respected. We simply cannot afford a mentality that supports the rape culture, an epidemic that is dreadfully normalized and must be reversed. Statistics such as 1 in 5 women will be sexually assaulted on campus (and without receiving justice e.g. Emma Sulkowicz of Columbia University and Leah Francis of Stanford), headlines of ignorant politicians condoning rape and blaming the victim, vulnerable girls being trafficked and sexually assaulted by men etc. are testimony to the prevalent culture.

We may be pressurized to lighten our skin tone, to vaporize every hair follicle on our bodies, to lessen our belly post-pregnancy or plump our breasts and behinds simultaneously. And don’t forget the butt facial on the bottom left! 

Even then, we must learn to be comfortable in our own skin and women who do demonstrate self-confidence with all their imperfections of scars, hair, pigmentation, acne, sexual orientation, and body shape should be welcome with open arms, as they have been below.

 

Even my co-ed Business School provided aid in its own forms by virtue of women leadership groups and financial assistance. In fact, I met a wonderful woman whose life story still aches my heart. She lost her son, a distinguished alum of the Business School, in the Sept 11 attacks and started a merit based scholarship in his loving memory, of which I was a recipient.

But Douglass had a special charm about it. I was granted funding for my first study abroad in London, my first internship, an amazing entrepreneurial venture with seed money of $10,000, and a treasured human rights experience in Romania, all thanks to Douglass. Almost all of my memorable college experiences has come from the women leadership college. Plus, the friendships I have gained from the school consist of some of the most amazing woman I have ever had the grace to meet.

Recently, we had been witness to #Yesallwomen, a uniquely powerful internet phenomenon. Its strength lay in uniting women by vocalizing their subconscious fears, horrors of harassment, and providing inspiration for those who thought they were alone in their experience. It is amazing how happy the heart can feel when you deeply relate to the story of another soul and the catharsis it produces when you gather enough courage to share your own.

I also enjoyed reading supportive comments by men who did not realize how their seemingly normal actions may be uncomfortable for us; for e.g. invading personal space at a workplace; walking down the same street at night. etc.

The bit of time and resources I can give back, I shall do so for my alma mater.

If you have a son, I hope he will take up some quality gender studies classes in his lifetime and support women’s rights. If you have a daughter, I hope she gets a chance to study in a such positive environment for women, as I had been fortunate to do so at Douglass.

Help! My Son Wants to Become a Bollywood Hero

Dear Wacky Saki,

My son recently discovered that Uday Chopra is dating Nargis Fakhri and he went into mild depression. As much as that fact may be grossly unfair for other Indian men, he couldn’t help realize the immense benefits of being a Bollywood actor, without moving so much so as an inch of facial muscles to act. Need we mention Abhishek Bachhan and his coupledom with Aishwarya?

Now, I don’t mean to be mean. Uday and Abhishek might be nice guys and those women have surely chosen them for their charming personality (*cough*).

Their swooning charm can make getting off a helicopter look as uncool as possible.

Ma’am, we really cannot afford all the laser hair removal sessions for our son to look as bare chested as an Akshay Kumar, Varun Dhawan, or even Anil Kapoor of recent. In fact, we spent all our savings in getting appointments with the Third Eye of Nirmal Baba but it exacerbated our son’s case as he began dry humping our home towels to the tune of “Jeene Ke Hain Chaar Din.”

Our son has even started crooning to Aashiqui 2 songs to fit into the mold of hundreds of other lunatic Indian fans besotted by love and drugs.

We don’t know what to do.

Do suggest some solution for his case, na?

Yours hamesha,

Humty and Dumpty

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Dear Humpty Dumpty,

I have received many such letters from worried parents in the past.

Your son needs to understand that becoming a Bollywood hero is no easy task.

In fact it is simpler to become a heroine. Just follow anyone of the following trajectories — endorse Tide Waali Safedi fairness creams; strut around as a model or beauty pageant participant; be more slimmer and most importantly, YOUNGER, than her counterparts. Being an item girl from abroad is a plus.

If she fulfills these myriad constraints, then watch out for her debut opposite a Khan or a the son of an old hero whose role is to continually stalk, pass lecherous remarks, and harass her till she has no option but to ………………. fall in love.

        

I don’t know how these actresses haven’t become insane by playing such harebrained roles. Oh wait, nevermind. 

p.s.Vidya is an exception.

Being a hit Bollywood hero requires far more difficult constraints. Most important of all, your son must have a yesteryear Bollywood actor as a father who has decent relations with Sallu bhai. Once you fulfill this, your son has a much higher chance to enter into the B-grade/slapstick humor/masala maggi genre of Bollywood.

(If you don’t know who Salman Khan is, he is some 40+ actor who has more criminal cases on his record than awards for his acting skills. He is also lovingly known as “bhai” which is evident in the way women run away from him)

Listed below are other optional criteria that will surely help your son.

1) Look fairer

2) Master the art of pelvic thrusts

3) Dance like you are full of sexual innuendos

4) This man has nailed it!

Now, I will present you with classic examples of Bollywood heroes below who have achieved fame (good and bad) based on the aforementioned logic of having such dynastic-daddy connections.

Uday Chopra and Abhishek Bachhan

Ever heard the theory that every generation reaps and sows for its next? Well, it couldn’t be truer for these two lads who comfortably took birth in two of the biggest Bollywood related homes in India, one in the richest production house (YRF), and the other as the son of the evergreen legend Amitabh Bachhan. They may be rich but to understand just how poor they are in acting skills, do look at the gifs below.

For laughs, here are some legendary scenes from the epic fail that is Dhoom 3.

Did I mention they share great chemistry? 😉

Abhishek Bachhan whooping some serious ass with his lathi stick, desi version of the Dark Knight scene 😛

Varun Dhawan

This guy seems to have idolized Govinda way too closely thanks to his director of a father. Govinda made us laugh, whereas Varun makes us cringe. Go put a shirt and thinking cap on Dhawan junior!

Little does Varun realize, no one can even come close to the legend that is Govinda.

Arjun Kapoor

This guy looks perpetually stoned and tharki in every single one of his movies which is why he needs some extra help to wake up.

Ek thapad meri tharaf se bhi.

Tiger Shroff

Tiger very conveniently landed his first role due to his father’s background, the ever inebriated Jackie Shroff. Junior Shroff can easily endorse Veet and Bournvita in equal measure. I don’t know whether to be attracted to him or develop a serious complex looking at his smooth, hair-free complexion.

If your son wants to become famous, I recommend he change his name to “Leopard” or “Armadildo” to follow in the auspicious sourcing of nomenclature from the Animal Kingdom.

Unsuccesful Examples

Your son needs to realize that not all Bollywood star sons can make it despite having the sugar daddy factor. Here are some disastrous examples that can deter your son from being a Bollywood hero.

Mimoh Chakravarty

No, just no. But then again, Emraan Hashmi made a career with that look.

Harman Baweja

The guy isn’t all that bad looking. He just has very poor rashee horoscope it seems. Keep trying my lad, someone out there is watching your flicks, most likely Bipasha Basu.

Exceptions to the Rule

Hrithik Roshan

Hrithik Roshan is a fine and talented man. He has achieved greater success than his own Bollywood hero of a father which probably makes for a great analogy — that less successful fathers make for more successful sons. As an actor, he has greatly matured from his Main Prem Ki Diwaani Hoon Days.

This is Hrithik pulling off a WWE move on Kareena. It’s called the “Suffocating Hug to Death.”

Today, he has tons of acclaimed movie hits and a humongous fan following. This is a man your son can idolize (except his Krrrrrish 3 antics.)

Ranbir Kapoor

This Kapoor lad is just as much of a heartthrob for South Asian pre-pubescent girls as One Direction is for American girls of similar age.

Personally not a fan but I will leave this gif here for the ladies. Ok tata.

The Trivial Pursuit of Happiness

The hit Pharrell track still has all of us jamming to his tune.

But how many of us are truly happy? Can you name one individual who is happy at every instance of time? Surely, we all have experienced this euphoric state in installments but to achieve everlasting happiness is to kill yourself with an unattainable goal of perfection.

To feed our insatiable appetite for happiness, there is a plethora of content available in the market that milks on its meaning and means of attainment in one’s life. Self-help books, movies, and fiction tales also brush on this topic in their own measure.

Buying off this jargon is counter-intuitive to the most the apt theory of all i.e. happiness comes from within.

A story like Eat, Pray, Love or a film like Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara may appear to suggest that one can solve all their life problems from a trip abroad, but a traveling experience can only provide the momentary streak of happiness before one enters into another routine of life. Even the Rani character in Queen made new friends abroad but the essence of the story is how she brings home that spirited confidence back into her routinely life in Delhi. Stressful situations may surface again, and it is one’s mental attitude towards the problem that determines the outcome of happiness.

The Bhagvad Gita exhorts that the ideal path to contentment is to be even in mind and alike in pleasure and pain. That mantra can help withstand the undesirable outcomes that life may present. Contentment is not an app we can purchase to quieten our wavering minds, nor can it be framed on a wall to substantiate our worth like our paper degrees. Contentment is certainly not as lucrative of an aspiration for an individual plagued with scarcities or abundance, for the former is struggling for survival of the body and the latter, of the mind. However, when basic needs are met, contentment is possible but it comes with great difficulty and that is precisely why it offers such wonderful returns. The investment, of course, lies in regular honing of the self through introspection and meditation.

The common retaliation towards contentment is that it sounds an awful lot like complacency or in business terms, being averse to risk. Pursuing happiness is approached as a necessity to succeed. The rationale put forth is that if we don’t seek happiness, we lose out on following our passion. But how does a becoming the dream occupation you so desire guarantee permanency in happiness? Finances may get depleted, fame may become a narcotic necessity, and aversion to failure may lead to artistic outputs of poor quality.

As we accumulate more unique life experiences, we start to feel qualified enough to put our own $0.02 about achieving that ever elusive goal (as I am doing in this post). Based on my own experiences volunteering, working in some amazing companies, being a permanent caregiver to a loved one, and traveling in between, I have to come to understand that pursuing happiness is as successful of a strategy as pursuing sorrow. Both come in varying measures, usually, one after the other.

Nature exemplifies this in the manner that day follows night, rainbow manifests from the rain, winter culminates into spring, roses blossom from its thorny conduit etc.

What Makes Us Happy?

Clever marketing lures us to believe that we must be flawless in our attributes to be happy, and if we are not happy, there is surely something deficient in us. Those that escape the rigidity of such subliminal brainwashing and strive to be content within their means have a greater chance for happiness. A wonderful documentary titled “Happy” explored this emotion in great detail by recounting the experiences of people across the world and comparing their measures of happiness.

It showcased how a poor man who works as an auto driver and lives in a Kolkata slum is just as happy, if not more, than an overworked American man of similar age. The auto driver is happy to come to his loving family and finds opportunity for community involvement within the slum whereas the American lives alone and suffers health issues from the stress of his well paying job. The documentary also suggests that helping others, commitment to social issues, and support of loved ones are all key to being happy and thereby overcoming depression and sorrow. It is not easy to substantiate happiness, or any emotion for that matter, with scientific data because happiness can’t be quantified and it can easily fluctuate. For example, the slum dweller may lose out on his state of bliss when he can’t afford some basic necessities for his family, whereas the American man can find happiness in volunteering and charity. Personally, balance of the mind is more of a key to contentment than relegating oneself to either physical extreme. But how to achieve this balance?

Gita and the Three Gunas

This is where the Gita comes in to be mighty helpful resource to achieve a spiritual core of steel. From my limited knowledge of Ayurveda I learned about the concept of the three Gunas.

In the human context, guna usually refers to the quality of the mind and character of a person. That is, whether they are calm, gentle, patient and tolerant (sattvic), passionate, spontaneous, greedy, materialistic, exploitative and focused on sense gratification (rajasic), or ignorant, lazy, insensitive and deceitful (tamasic). All three types of guna are present in everyone, and each may be displayed in different contexts. People can alternate between gunas depending on the environmental context and their diet, as well as phase of life and other factors. The quality of the food we eat, and our environment, are therefore crucial to maintaining mental health.

Source:  http://www.jiva.com/ayurveda/about-ayurveda/32.html

All this while, I aspired to achieve the sattvic guna, which is rationally most likely to produce positive attributes of happiness but I failed to realize that it also creates an attachment to the same.

The 14th chapter of the Gita enlightened to think beyond the Sattvic Guna – and thereby let go of the attachment to happiness. Here is the quoted text for your reference below. I hope by reading this, you can too can forego the trivial pursuit of happiness and strive for contentment instead.

Arjuna asked :By what marks, O Lord, is he (known) who has gone beyond these three Gunas? What is his conduct, and how does he pass beyond these three Gunas?

The Blessed Lord said:

He who hates not the appearance of light, (the effect of Sattva), activity (the effect of Rajas), and delusion (the effect of Tamas), (in his own mind), nor longs for them when absent; He who, sitting like one unconcerned, is moved not by the Gunas, who, knowing that the Gunas operate, is Self-centred and swerves not; Alike in pleasure and pain, Self-abiding, regarding a clod of earth, a stone and gold alike; the same to agreeable and disagreeable, firm, the same in censure and, praise; The same in honour and disgrace, the same to friend and foe, relinquishing all undertakings—he is said to have gone beyond the Gunas.

Source: The Discrimination of the Three Gunas (Sacred Texts.com)

A Pledge to Boycott all Fairness Products in India

Most of us are already cognizant of the entrenched racism in the marketing ploys of beauty companies to promote lighter skin as the ideal in India. In fact, I just came across a disgusting Fair & Lovely advert starring Yami Gautam on an Indian channel in the US!

The question is – when will the madness end? It is 2014 for God’s sakes!

We must collectively fight against this marketing menace by harnessing our power as a consumer and stop these commercials from ruining more lives in the future. I humbly request you to share this message and pledge to boycott all fairness products, not only in India but globally. 

Do sign this pledge on change.org and confirm your commitment- http://www.change.org/petitions/everyone-boycott-every-fairness-product-in-the-indian-market

In this post, I will list out all the major companies (to the best of my knowledge and research) that are currently in the business of selling fairness products as well as the associated actors who play a part in selling the racism. A noble actor cannot surely be so money-minded that he/she needs to stoop to the level of supporting such an unethical product. 

These companies get away with such racist propaganda in developing markets. They would have easily been sued for promoting discrimination in the West. (Tanning products are marketed more subtly in US and Europe whereas fairness ads sell the notion that an individual will have low self-esteem and can’t procure a job or spouse without lightening his/her skin.) 

p.s. All product names are cleverly designed with the word “fair”, “white” and “lightening” as constant and variations like Multi Action Fairness, Active Fair, Complete White Perfection, Fair Miracle, Cell Whitening/Lightening, Radiating White Glow of Jesus etc.

Ok the last one is not real, but you get the drift.

UNILEVER

Unilever is a key culprit. Its Indian subsidiary, Hindustan Lever manufactures one of the most well-known fairness products in the market – Fair & Lovely. HUL is a pioneer in the representation of non-albino looking women with lower self-esteem and depression. Moreover, they sign on actors with lucrative endorsement deals for which both the celebrity and the company are to blame. With such a controversial product on the market, you think Unilever would end it there. But they also have Ponds White Beauty, Vaseline Whitening, Axe etc. in their product lines. Axe feeds on the notion that women are objects who will flock to men who smell like the shitty perfume they sell and Dove fools women to think they are beautiful as long as their armpits are photoshopped and like other beauty company gimmicks, our skin looks unreal without any pores. For now, however, I will primarily focus on their Fair & Lovely, Ponds and Vaseline brand of fairness products.

Female Endorsers

Beauty pageant winner Priyanka Chopra apparently has no qualms in telling the world that her own beauty lies in being light skinned and vying for an asshole of man (Saif Ali Khan) who rejects her for her skin tone in her earlier Ponds White Beauty adverts. She was heavily criticized for her role in these commercials but she continues to endorse other fairness creams through Garnier, thereby promoting more world peace through her beauty title. Btw, Ponds is also a major endorser of Femina Miss India pageants. Oh, the irony really stings!

Aishwarya Rai, another beauty queen, started her acting career on a similar note with this Fair & Lovely Commercial with Mahima Chaudhary.

Other Fair & Lovely nincompoop actresses include Genelia D’souza, Ileana D’Cruz, Asin, Juhi Chawla, Yami Gautam etc.

Male Endorsers

Here’s Virat Kohli letting you know that attracting women depends on how well you can fend bouncers on the field and bounce off sun rays from your face with a science defying lotion.

Fair & Lovely

 

Shahid Kapur is known as the chocolate boy of Bollywood but I guess we must change that to Vaseline Vanilla Man now.

Vaseline Whitening Cream

EMAMI

Shah Rukh Khan

His tagline should be, “Kya aap bakchod hain? Kyunki main world’s no 1. bakchod hoon!”

Emami Fair & Handsome

ITC

 

Why should a tobacco company be far behind when it comes to making money off racism with its Vivel brand of Fairness Cream? Here is a bullshit of a commercial where a college student is afraid to sing because she is not fair enough. That idiotic logic didn’t stop maestros like Himesh Reshammiya and Yo Yo Honey Singh.

This ad is another blatant examples of newbie heroines acting in fairness cream commercials at the onset of their Bollywood career. I sincerely hope this trajectory ends for future actresses.

JOHNSON & JOHNSON – NEUTROGENA

Deepika Padukone has portrayed many party girl roles in movies, but she seems to be inebriated enough to endorse a fairness cream too. Someone help her get sober!

Fine Fairness Cream

Procter & Gamble- OLAY

Katrina Kaif

Katrina Kaif endorses the obvious – she is already a chikni chameli so she sells a fairness cream and though, she has no signs of body hair, so she endorses Veet. Next thing you know, she has opened an acting academy primarily focused on item numbers.

Natural White cream

Beiersdorf – NIVEA

Anushka Sharma

Want to wear a backless dress? Make sure it has the “tide waali safedi” like Anushka suggests else your racist boyfriend may *gasp* ditch you. We hope he falls in a ditch of Fair & Lovely goo!

Whitening Cell Repair Lotion

L’OREAL

Sonam Kapoor

Trust Sonam Kapoor to endorse anything that can send her to Cannes where she can act plenty “white.”

GARNIER

John Abraham’s jingle: Subha Hone Na De….Ek Dusre Ko Hum Tanned Hone Na De….

Fairness Moisturizer for Men

GODREJ

Saumya Tandon seems to be more artificially translucent than Casper the Friendly Ghost.

Fairglow

FEM

Sonakshi Sinha demonstrates that the burning chemical effects of bleach can make you happier and horny at the same time.

It is one thing if you wish to bleach unwanted hair but to specifically market a product to bleach the skin to make it fairer as a sign of beautiful skin is pure racism.

ROLE MODELS

Kangana Ranaut once said in an interview that endorsing a fairness product is akin to criminal activity and she backed up her words by rejecting a lucrative 2 crore endorsement. Chitraganda Singh is another heroine who refuses to participate in any fairness cream commercials. Nandita Das, one more brilliant actress, even went on to campaign against these fairness creams through her “Stay Unfair, Stay Beautiful” campaign. Kudos to all these women!

 

Background: There are myriad contexts in which this fairness obsession in India may have taken birth ranging anywhere from mythology (e.g. the beloved Krishna song “Radha kyun gori, main kyun kala?” Why is Radha fair and I, black?) to history (the era of British imperialism where the white rulers were accorded with more respect) to the approach that darkened skin is associated with the poor who are likely to spend all their time laboring out in the sun. There is even the notion of desiring the “exotic”, be it tanned skin tone in US and fair, in India etc.

Men and women may suggest their preferences for a dusky Chitranganda Singh or John Abraham over a fairer actor or actress but to suggest that tanned folks are more attractive than the shallow fair skin toned individuals doesn’t help the cause either. All skin tones are beautiful in their own natural state.

With greater literacy post-independence and intermingling of all the diversity of folks within the larger economic and cultural pot of India, those aforementioned contexts should not be relevant excuses to promote one skin tone over another.

The greatest brainwashing does not come from any of the former hypotheses but from the subliminal messaging in the racist adverts themselves. Sure there may be a host of other factors that encourage the perception that being fair is a good thing, say from condescending remarks of relatives, or the “acceptable” standards of beauty in magazines and cinema but the root of the problem lies in the marketing itself. These ads are so toxic that many naturally beautiful women feel they have some deficiency by not having the computer generated fairness depicted on the women.

To be honest, we are all tired of addressing this issue time and time again. Why are such products still surfacing on TV, web, and print?

It is not enough that we attack the commercials but bring about a larger conscious movement to boycott every goddamn fairness product available in the market.

The only way these companies will retract their racist propaganda product is when we hurt their bottom line. Though it would be “fairer” to gift the beauty industry with a class action lawsuit, boycotting serves the same purpose with less of a publicity footprint. If there are any companies or products I have missed, do share them in the comment box. Thank you!

p.s. Think wisely before you support a company or a celebrity who may conceal their intentions with fancy words and awards yet their actions show otherwise. Let’s raise more awareness and bring the racist propaganda in India to a close by next year!