Let’s face it. Romancing these two actors is, at best, a mere figment of our imagination. Granted not all of us are infatuated by them, yet there is no doubt that both are heralded as the mainstream crushes of our generation. They’re talented, good looking and might I add, reasonably sane representations of our respective genders, given the infinite number of famous cuckoos out there.
Wise words from one such cuckoo member of the Jersey Shore.
Caveat lector: I am not liable for any increases in the rhythmic contraction of your heart from viewing the following GIFs. It is of your own involuntary creation and concern.
Let’s change it up and start with the man first.
Mr. Gosling surely hatched into a fine specimen from the gene yolk of his momma goose.
How am I so utterly adorable? Sssh, it’s a secret I won’t tell!
Ah, the ever classy Ms. Watson. Ask any man (or woman) if she’s hot and you’ll get a “No shit, Sherlock!”
A quick glance at her evolution from bushy hair Hermoine to anatomically attractive Burberry model will make you wonder what kind of magical potion the rest of us would need to emerge so flawlessly unscathed from puberty.
Did I say Hermoine to Hotness? I meant Watson to Darwin.
Love at First Sight
Say we got the chance to meet Emma and Ryan (sounds like a couple in an episode of MTV Teenage Moms) in person.
I would expect a lot of this on loop.
You just can’t say No to them
Emma can lure any man with her charm.
Ryan can do the same bare-chested (sometimes, with a shirt on as well.)
Their expressions are rather inviting.
Tongue firmly in cheek, Emma.
Okay, okay. I’ll get in the water. Jeez.
They can be temperamental, just like us
Oh god, why? Why did you make me the Adonis of this era?
Your paucity of swag is giving me the hives. The exit door is right behind you, literally.
At times, they are clueless about life, just like us
Better to be hot and honest Ryan Gosling, than be hot and dumb Ryan Lochte.
Whatever the hell you said, I concur!
They respect our feelings
That’s right Ryan — everyone is beautiful.
Or, maybe not.
They dance like us!
Yeah, shimmy shimmy those well-sculpted muskles.
Ron: “Is it normal that I’m getting just a tad dizzy?”
They have that whole crinkly nose thing going on that can melt anyone’s nasal mucus.
Bite me, I’m catty.
It’s contagious, really.
Because they really speak to some part of our non-sexual organs. Our soul, that is.
Your wish is my command.
Unconditional love right there, folks.
Finally, let’s shed some light on the two movies that propelled these young and artistically maturing starlets into the glaring spotlight.
The Notebook: As much as it is based on a novel which is based on a supposedly true story, I detest the overly exaggerated expectations of romance in this movie. To articulate my feelings, watch this trailer. It is hilarious.
Harry Potter Series: I absolutely adore everything in the books that inspired these movies. Nonetheless, this trailer is equally Potty(er)some as the last one. JK….Rowling!
Ryan and Emma have enough sex appeal to make us hit our books (Image source: Engineer memes)
Which reminds me – stop wasting any more of your time here — Go do some real work!
It is a word that often scares away men and makes the women activists seem like men bashers without a soul.
It may be misused as an expletive to undermine the strength of women (femi-nazi) or molded into a euphemism to underscore the emasculation of men who support the movement (humanist). It can serve as profound movement of emancipation for women or a profane mark of insecurity on the part of men who move against it.
10 points and the golden snitch if you guessed feminism.
The truth is that feminism isn’t just about fighting for women’s rights. In fact, the movement is just as much about supporting men and children as it is about women.
How can we exclude one part of our society when we all co-exist together in this world?
If a group of men inflict cruel violence against a woman on a public bus with iron rods, or a football coach secretly sodomizes young men in his home and locker room for decades, society is appeased when these men are portrayed as some derivative of a monstrous scum of the earth. The culprits may get away with the crime or be put under custody and punished. But over time, they tend to fall off the radar and no longer remain a headline target given that new cases of violence and rapes surface every day. In some situations, the abusive men quietly restore their esteemed place back in society. When new cases do show up, the process repeats itself. The end result is that the balance beam is tilted to focus on the woman, her plight, her injustice with the noble intention to help her cope up and heal. As important as that is, not as much focus is laid in understanding the men to prevent such crimes in the future.
And this is where more men need to become a catalyst for change.
Why is this awareness important?
Every nine seconds a woman is assaulted or beaten in the United States. According to the UN, globally at least one in three women and girls is beaten or sexually abused in her lifetime.
“Violence against women is the single greatest human rights violation of our generation. This is a call to action—not an act that will make things better in six months or a year’s time, but action that might save someone’s life and someone’s future this afternoon, tonight, tomorrow morning.”
-Patrick Stewart’s wise words at International Women’s Day/7th session of the Commission on the Status of Women at the United Nations. Patrick and his mother were victims of domestic violence from his father, who was suffering from PTSD after serving in WWII.
Why do some men inflict violence against women?
There are a depth of reasons. I have listed out some from my own research. For the sake of this blog, I have left out some of the more trivial human emotions like jealousy. If you have any more, please feel free to share.
p.s. I am not justifying that these reasons are correct or acceptable to commit violence, but just pointing some points of common sense. Also note that these reasons can be applicable for abusive women as well.
Unstable Family Environment due to an Abusive or Absent Parent/Guardian: A man may take out his anger and hurt on others, the same hurt he experienced as a child. Chris Brown is one such infamous example who received five years of probation for assaulting Rihanna. In a later interview, he disclosed that he grew up seeing his stepfather repeatedly assault his own mother.
Dire Financial Circumstances: There are plenty of cases of families from impoverished backgrounds with pools of debt where the man thinks of no other recourse than to prostitute his own wife, daughter or relative for money. Forget about the luxuries of education and clothing, some people are too poor to afford even a meal a day, leading them to forego their morals for the sake of survival. But then again, anyone with the lure of greed and lust can have the same consequence.
Victim of past sexual abuse: One cannot estimate the scarring depth of psychological trauma from being sexually abused as a child and having your innocence stolen and buried forever. In some instances, the perpetrators of abuse have been vulnerable victims of sexual abuse themselves. Sexual slavery of women and children is a serious issue in almost every nation. Even in my own safe and sound neighborhood in New Jersey, I’ve come across a few headlines of pimps luring women through dubious ads and forcing girls as young as 13 years old to prostitute in hotels. Even though there are very powerful channels that control this trafficking network, victims can be rescued when citizens are vigilant to tip the police or contact an anti-human trafficking organization (Polaris Project in US). It is important to remember that these rapes can occur anywhere, from military bases, to brothels to normal households.
PTSD from war and related conflicts: This also falls under the bracket of psychological trauma. There are many symptoms of PTSD ranging from insomnia to severe depression. Addressing the causes and recognizing the symptoms are crucial steps towards helping affected individuals readjust back into their homes and live together in peace.
Blindly Adhering Family Traditions with Patriarchal Roots and Myths: Sati (burning widow to death) and child marriage are some known social evils that are lawfully banned in India, yet they are still practiced in some close-knit rural communities under the pretext of tradition. Dowry is another prohibited practice of marrying a women in exchange for money, land and expensive possessions, all demanded from the bride’s side of the family. Here is a meme I created just for this lovely occasion.
As far as myths are concerned, one stigmatizing myth is that intercourse with a virgin/child can cure a person of AIDS. Many young children who are trafficked and assaulted end up with this deadly affliction. Other ridiculous notions perpetuated by backward-minded folks include that women should stay at home and cover up everywhere to prevent men from getting too excited to rape them. If I had a donkey for every instance some idiot talked about what a women should or should not wear, I would have, well, a lot of donkeys to trample over their asses. I’d be more comfortable wearing a burkha than be brainwashed by magazines, media and beauty pageants to think that a commodified bikini bod or a malnourished model is the true affirmation of a “free” women. Wearing too much or too little isn’t the problem — it’s using those extremes i.e. the burkha as a means to justify oppression and the bikini to promote western ideals of feminized liberty, and yet still trying to defend that no woman is asking for rape on any part of that spectrum.
Prolonged Stress from Work or Family Environment: Man as the breadwinner (and women as the buttermaker) is one of the most commonly known social constructs. As women are slowly and steadily climbing the corporate ladder, men still carry the burden to uphold their breadwinner title and fear being deemed unworthy if they can’t afford the best for their family on their own merit. Failure to live up to expectations of their parents, wife and children can impact the way they treat their loved ones. Stress shouldn’t be an excuse to inflict violence but it can manifest from it.
External Addictions- Alcohol, Smoking, Porn, Gambling and Drugs: Each addiction works in the same way – It provides fleeting happiness and the craving resurges once you feel empty, lost and unhappy again. There are several brackets people categorize themselves into, namely, social drinker/smoker/junkie, party gambler and private fap fap; however, some may turn the addiction into a crutch for their existence, and consequently require therapy and rehab. While there is no universal causal relationship, correlation does exist between inebriation and risk of harming others (Suicides of Rehtaeh Parsons, Audrie Pott have been linked to cyber bullying and victim blaming from alleged rape incidents that occurred during underage drinking parties) from lack of complete consciousness. In turn, a multitude of laws are put in place to regulate the consumption of alcohol and cigarettes (passive smoking) in public venues. Porn, movies and TV drama have their share of titillating rape scenes, yet rape must never be misconstrued with fantasies of rough sex. The former is a violent form of asserting control. The latter should include the consent of the women. As far as drugs are concerned, there are a plethora of banned substances sold illegally but even many legally sold pharma drugs have terrible side-effects including suicide, depression, hallucinations etc. Addictions can play havoc with one’s mental stability.Moreover, the extent of violence from these addictions can be compounded by the presence of a dangerous weapon (gun control).
Governments are not our parents and we are capable of developing our own moral compass, but upholding safe regulation is crucial. Personally, I feel that people should have the freedom to decide what is right or wrong for them as long as they understand the consequences of their actions with age appropriate mental maturity.
Fulfilling the “Real Man is Tough” Image: This is, perhaps, the most neglected of all. Video games, toy guns, soldier figurines brainwash the minds of young boys just as much as barbie dolls screw with young girls’ perception of their own bodies.
A real man watches sports, cusses and bags as many women as he can. That would be as much of an exaggerated, sexist notion as saying that real women just cook and clean whilst parading around in Victoria Secret underwear. On that note of gender stereotyping, it is a real shame when sports coaches verbally abuse their players (Rutgers) or secretly molest young boys (Penn State). It is disgusting that many men accomplices stayed silent about these crimes and disheartening that the innocent victims internalized the pain for so many years without justice.
This “tough man” image is subtly conveyed in all forms of media. Women can get away with expressing their feelings with their girlfriends, wearing clothing of the opposite sex, and crying in public, if need be. But if a heterosexual man does the same, he fears being seen as emasculated, which may have its roots in homophobia. I don’t know about other women but I find a man, who has the guts to express his sensitivity through mature poetry, holding a pen, far more attractive than a man cussing and blowing puffs of smoke, holding a cigarette. But that’s just my personal two rupaiyas.
Here are three varying examples relating to the emotional bond between a son and his father.
Iron Man 3 – Great movie with parallels to BP oil spill, offshore terrorism, American conspiracy and Paltrow kicking some extremis ass. Yet there is one scene that really caught my eye — Robert Downy Jr tells his young accomplice to “man up” about his father abandoning his family. His precise dialogue is “Dads leave. Don’t be a pussy about it.” Forget the fact that a man is telling an innocent boy, who is opening up about a missing father figure to a superhero he idolizes, to just suck it up and submerge the pain. But he is also suggesting that expressing his feelings makes the boy a “pussy”/less of a man. Where does the word “pussy” originate from? Oh right, it’s a pejorative of vagina, tied in with the inferiority of women.
Now, let me show you an adult Will Smith’s emotional outburst and frustration when he realizes that his father plans to abandon him (yet again) in an eye-opening episode of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Will asks Uncle Phil a simple question, “How come my father doesn’t want me?” It is a critical question to raise because no child should be betrayed of affection that way from his parents.
Or take the case of this young boy who can’t help running into the arms of his father, a soldier deployed in Iraq. This is a small tribute to all soldiers who have to fight for their countries, leaving their families behind. War is truly unnecessary and detrimental to the lives of all people, soldiers and civilians, involved.
That young boy’s reaction is an innocent expression of love to his father in its purest form. As boys grow up, they may fear being seen as mental to be sentimental. In turn, their hidden hurt can turn into deep resentment, anger or depression and the only logical way left for men to respond is through outwardly forms of violence.
Possible Solutions:
I don’t have a PhD in Understanding Men but I think we can all work together to lessen the severity of the problem. I’m grateful to know many men who speak up in this matter and I can only appeal for more men and women to take action.
Break the Cycle
“I have seen too many lawyers who manage by intimidation and fear, whose default mode is to bludgeon or belittle. And they justify it by claiming to be perfectionists who just demand excellence. That’s a load of nonsense, and don’t ever fall for it or emulate it.Abusive people are weak, not strong. As the late five-star general and commander-in-chief Dwight Eisenhower once said, “You don’t lead by hitting people over the head – that’s assault, not leadership.”
-Preet Bharara, US Attorney, at his Columbia Law School Class of 2013 Commencement Address. Preet is highly respected for putting many insider trading/Wall Street miscreants in jail.
Breaking the Cycle often takes tremendous compassion for the affected person and for oneself, if you are the victim. Empathy and forgiveness are a few such stepping stones to overcome the pain. As the deeply poignant 1994 “I’ll Stand by You” ballad of The Pretenders goes, “If you’re mad, get mad. Don’t hold it all inside, come on and talk to me now. Hey, what you’ve got to hide? I get angry too. Well, I’m a lot like you.”
Help a brother
Apologies for the cliché, but remember that epic Good Will Hunting dialogue where Robin Williams gently repeats – “It’s not your fault,” to the deeply traumatized yet wunderkind Matt Damon. Well you don’t have to be an Academy Award winning Mrs Doubtfire, but if you have a friend who has been a victim of any kind of violence or abuse, help them heal.
Interesting Take on Dealing with Perverted Thoughts by a Feminist Dad
“When you catch yourself objectifying women, think about your daughters, sisters, and mothers. Try not to ogle. Don’t overanalyze sexual thoughts. Follow the Three Second Rule. …. Instead of undressing them with my eyes, I’m cloaking them in imaginary burqas. It seems like I shouldn’t have to do this, and that it’s not the ‘right’ solution, but it’s working, and it’s less draining than catching myself furtively checking out the parts that are—forgive me—on display, and then creep-shaming myself….This technique of essentially ignoring women’s physical presence may not be sustainable, and it may not be desirable. But it also seems like as good an alternative as any to giving women unwanted (or even wanted) sexual attention, and maybe spending some time with this perspective will at least give me a taste of freedom from “perverted thoughts.”
It’s perfectly natural to feel attracted to someone. Getting turned on is nothing to be ashamed of either. But one must be respectful of the person in mind.
TED Talk by Jackson Katz, creator of “Mentors in Violence Prevention Program”
This is a great speech from a man who gets to the root of the problem. He isn’t on the side of the man or the woman, but he brings forth a balanced understanding of how to tackle gender based violence. Katz points out an important point of contention- When we hear gender, we think women; when we hear sexual orientation, we think homosexuals; when we hear race, we think black people. The marginalized group that is perceived as weaker is always under our microscope while the elite group remains outside our purview of discourse.
Join a movement- As part of an Org or as an Individual
One example of a human rights org is “Breakthrough” which is dedicated to help end domestic violence. #RingtheBell or #Bellbajao (in India).
Look within your own families, your children, your spouses, your uncles, your brothers, your little nieces and nephews and even yourself. Be cognizant of any changes in behavior or actions that may point towards abuse. Ignorance is not bliss in such a situation.
Meditation/Counseling/ Therapy/ Contacting a Support Group
These options would be useful for both victim and perpetrators (after they have served their penalty for an offense.)
In the video below, Patrick Stewart makes the excellent point that, often times, victims are blamed for starting an argument, when in reality, there was never any provocation, as was the case with his own mother. “Even if she has provoked him, violence should never be the answer men should have to take,” he says. Patrick brings out a deeper psychological understanding behind the need to provide rehabilitation and refuge to women who are victims and also provide care and treatment to the men who commit the acts because of their hidden symptoms.
It’s a problem when we hear stories about men luring women and children into prostitution, on one side of the equation, and men abusing sex workers on the other side, whilst the victims are imprisoned in the middle.
It’s a bigger problem when, instead of receiving help and justice, the victims receive blame and are ostracized with awful names of “slut” and “whore” (Steubenville rape coverage)
It’s a severe problem when you hear about men from seemingly normal households, sodomizing young children or raping their nieces and daughters in secrecy.
Men and women, if you are concerned about upholding the rights of your daughters, your wives, your nieces, your sisters and mothers, and your sons, your nephews and husbands in general, don’t be afraid to embrace feminism. Or forget the feminist tag, just strive to eliminate sexism and fight for human rights. To be fair, a small section of feminists do take their agenda to the point of being misandrists based on their own personal experiences, but that is not what feminism is about. Feminism is striving to achieve equality for all.
We are all on the same team, the team of humanity.
First and foremost, I will mention that I have a credible Bachelors degree with a few courses in Psychology. Using that paper certification and taking shelter in the protection I have been granted by the supreme laws of the state (insert obscure legal language), I am free to provide my free advice and you are free to take it.
With ongoing headlines of wars, possible nuclear threats, bombings, husbands raping their wives, soldiers raping innocent women, pimps luring and trafficking women and children and similar news on violence with men as the key perpetrators in the spotlight, it can, at times, become a bit daunting for women to believe whether good men actually exist.
Well, they do exist and you may have some gentlemen in your own circle to prove it.
Good guys, I feel your pain.
There was [Winter] Hansen who blossomed into Spring by [Fall]ing in love with a girl named Summer at first sight. Summer led him on pretty well and ultimately ditched him within “500 days” on the pretext that she found true love with another guy, and Winter was left with Autumn.
And who can forget Daisy Buchanan, the lovely lass who chose her prestige, her money and her cheating husband over the Great Gatsby, the man who loved her deeply and sacrificed everything to be with her in Fitzgerald’s acclaimed 1925 novel.
Such heartbreaking women, these summer daffodils and daisies!
Here, one must also address the unhealthy projections of love portrayed by those two male characters that so blindly attract the fancies of young men and women. Jay Gatsby was no less of cuckoo head for desiring Daisy to love him and only him and not having the self-restraint to end his fixation over her. As far Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s character is concerned, the actor explains Hansen’s intent and relentless infatuation with Summer so wonderfully below:
There is more to life than romantic pursuits such as the love for one’s family and all of nature. As American Buddhist monk Leonard Price explains, “most of us will distinguish in theory between love and infatuation. We think of infatuation as capricious, irresponsible, and shallow, and true love as mature, serious, and steady — though in practice it is hard to tell where one ends and the other begins.”
Bottom line: If someone isn’t reciprocating your interest, the healthiest thing you can do is to move on.
Now dutifully moving on (for the sake of this post), I want all men to know that just like the good men of the world, there are plentiful good women out there, so have some respite and some Falooda milkshake.
In order to address why good men win in the end, I will talk about a big no-no of any relationship – cheating.
Of course I may not be a suitable candidate to discuss relationships given my love life has been rather uninteresting, if not completely non-existent till date.
But, I do have a simple theory to share:
*Drumroll*
We cheat because we create a separation in the fulfillment of our emotional needs and our physical needs [wink wink].
I will illustrate this concept by addressing it by gender.
p.s. I apologize if I have made any generalizations but I will state what I have commonly read or seen to be true, based on some hypothetical situations.
As the gross cliché goes, ladies first.
WOMEN
For women, the priorities are usually emotional first, then physical.
A woman takes time to open up [yes, the double entendre is HARD to miss. Ok, I must stop].
In the beginning of a man courting a woman, she will first see if he fulfills her emotional needs and once she feels comfortable around him, the holding hands, kissing and other romantic [icky] gestures can follow suit.
Gradually, an equilibrium can be established between fulfillment of both emotional and physical needs with the same man.
Now lets say the woman comes across another man, perhaps with more brawn/more money/cuss-words spewing/spoiled brat/drug addict with more words of flattery, and he happens to indicate his interest in her. For whatever shallow reasons she may have in mind, she might reciprocate her interest so as long as her emotional needs are fulfilled by the first guy.
This is a case of the woman splitting up her emotional and physical needs.
Let’s assume that the new big, bad, wolf doesn’t treat her very well after the temporary fling or doesn’t do justice to her emotional needs like the original [good] guy did. The woman realizes her folly and wants to go back to the good guy.
This is where I must appeal to the good men. Don’t let such an experience of a woman hurting your feelings brainwash you into thinking that you must act like a scumbag to get women. It’s the same concept where a woman need not lower her standards to get a man because she experienced a bad relationship. By all means, get rid of such toxic people in your life who don’t deserve your love, but stay good, as you inherently are.
Good guys, I assure you that your kind nature towards respecting women will help you win in the end.
It worked for our F.R.I.E.N.D.S!
Chandler got Monica, Ross got his high school sweetheart Rachel [except when they were on a break], and Joey……..well, Joey got to reuse his “How u doin?” line forever alone, like a never-ending Dr Drake Ramoray soap opera.
MEN
For men, the steps are usually the opposite- physical, then emotional.
From the very beginning, a man tries to ascertain his physical chemistry with a woman by gauging her attractiveness. That is why men’s magazines cater to this trait with front covers like these.
Insert chandler: Could she be wearing any less clothes?
Yes, men are visual creatures and there may be some biological significance to it but apart from anatomy, there isn’t much difference between the two genders. Some of us, man or woman, do a better job of hiding our attraction towards someone. This doesn’t mean that we repress our desires, rather we develop a good control of our senses to act morally.
Based on a man’s eventual level of comfort with the woman, he will open up and talk about his interests, his dreams, his fears, his weaknesses etc. He fears being seen as “unmanly” by sharing such emotions with his male companions. He trusts the woman by becoming so emotionally vulnerable.
Gradually, an equilibrium can be established between fulfillment of both emotional and physical needs with the same woman.
Now lets assume the woman gets busy in her life, say either raising a newborn or working a new job etc and doesn’t have as much time to give to her man like she did before. The man may lose out on maintaining that strong emotional bond and doesn’t open up to her like he used to. He keeps his feelings inside until, say, he runs into another woman who has the time to listen to him. He thinks he has finally found someone who truly understands him because his lady is too busy breastfeeding the babies and cleaning their poop after working and tidying up the house.
This is a case of the man splitting up his emotional and physical needs.
That emotional connection with the new woman may lead him to stray away from his original love and cheat.
Here, I would appeal to the good men again and suggest to work on communicating your feelings and fulfilling both needs with the same woman to save a perfectly good relationship.
Men and women, if there is absolutely no inclination in your heart to be together, then have the dignity to let the other person know before you go on spreading your seeds elsewhere. Perhaps, this post should have been titled “Kind and Honest Men/Women Win in the End.”
Before I part – my good men, I assure you that your good nature will surely pay off to get the loving woman you truly deserve. Amen!
Our society has a sick obsession with ranking women on beauty.
Men are targeted as well but it’s the women who most often fall under our glaring eyes and every pore of their cellular being is magnified.
This is why we have a multitude of pageants each year to adjudge their beauty (the younger, the better and let’s not forget their intellect determined from a 30 second speech and universal insert – “peace in the world”.)
Well ladies, if you so desire the ideal, worldly peace, the first step is not to enter a pageant to ascertain your own natural inner beauty and actually go out there and do your bit. Such rankings create a divide between women representatives based on shallow criteria judged by a panel who will be staring at you with superficial eyes. This baseless ranking system is one of the inherent reasons why women have such a hard time being appreciative of each other’s hard work.
How can anyone pick just one women from a group of over 100 ladies when everyone is beautiful? Why do we have Ms Asia Pacific, Ms Universe, Ms Milky Way but not the same categories for men? And why is it that a Ms Universe is supposed to be of a higher rank than a measly Ms Earth or Ms Antarctica?
What exactly are we ranking women’s beauty on anyway?
The size of their nose? (rhinoplasty)
The size of their lips? (liposuction)
The size of their hips? (hip implants)
Every year, we see billboards of famous faces declared as “Most beautiful” or bodies in scantily clad bathing suits or Armani underwear, declared as “Most fuckable.” Exercising diligently towards a fit body is a great achievement and a person should be free to wear whatever the heck they are comfortable in. But I will never understand the rationale behind ranking people solely on looks.
If we were to talk only of beauty, I see plenty of Ryan Goslings, Gwenyth Paltrows, George Clooneys and Aishwarya Rais walking around in New York City. Of course, all those aforementioned celebrities are attractive ($$ helps) but are they the MOST beautiful? Not at all.
There isn’t a dearth of good looking people in the world.
Omit the word “looking.”
There isn’t a dearth of good people in the world– age, gender, race, nationality and physical features, no bar.
And sure, some of those celebrities may be too humble to care about such rankings but it’s a fact that more than their body of work (pun intended), such beautified rankings become a part and parcel of their acting resume. Just look at any of their Wikipedia pages [because having your own wiki page certifies how famous you really are ;] Their talent is solely what has kept them alive in the industry for so long.
Talent in a specific domain such as calculating the square root of 69 as Drake did in that Rihanna song can be ranked based on one’s speed and accuracy.
Success of a particular product can be ranked based on its sales figures or revenues.
But for god sakes, stop ranking beauty. Art and beauty are interrelated and even literature, classical pieces of music and paintings can’t be ranked on a universal scale because it greatly depends on the aesthetic taste of an individual who appreciates the work of the artist.
FAIRNESS
I was born in a country where even today, almost all beauty companies create cosmetics with god knows what kind of animal residues and promote creams with adverts which suggest that fairness is a key contributor to success; where many matrimonial ads place fairness as an important criteria in valuing a spouse; and, where most commercial actresses in Bollywood are so light skinned or undergo skin lightening procedures that they fail to portray the true beauty of an Indian. And even if the said actor has a less than fair complexion, photoshop editors will brighten their images, so much so that you will think the sun is rising out of their ass.
It is an extremely racist propaganda ever so subtly conveyed on TV and in print and absorbed by the young minds of our population. I will admit that even I had fallen prey to this absurd notion as a child fed into my brain by aunties and friends in India. I needed a wakeup call when I thought that a woman with great features like Freida Pinto is too ordinary looking by Indian heroine standards.
She isn’t ordinary looking. She is truly Indian looking.
Here are some fairness ads you can watch for yourself. The message is quite sickening.
Of course, these companies don’t spare the men because, God forbid, we ever topple the notion of an ideal man as being tall, fair and (Emami) handsome.
As if the pressure of rote learning, mind-numbing education in the country isn’t enough, Indians have another reason to feel inferior. From the North to the South to the East or West, Indians are beautiful in all skin tones and that is what makes us uniquely diverse.
I have several friends of African heritage and they have pointed out similar tactics employed to promote lighter skinned people as superior in their native countries. In contemporary America, I would like to use the example of Beyonce. I respect the singer because of her amazing voice and she is idolized by many as a black beauty icon. One of her famous commercials for L’Oreal sparked controversy when the diva pointed out that the exact shade of foundation she needs to match her skin color depends on her mixed ethnicity which also consists of Native American and French roots. L’Oreal came up with that “patented” lighter color shade just for her color tone. Why was her racial dilution for the sake of the color dilution of her makeup so necessary for her to be considered beautiful? There are more controversies about Beyonce using bleach to considerably lighten her skin tone. But let’s leave such celebrity stories for E(exclamation mark) TV anchors.
Meanwhile, watch this great video about Beyonce. You’ll thank me later :]
I have been told that I am fair by Indians and beige by Americans. At the end of the day, it’s just a difference of perspective based on what we commonly see around us. Whatever color I may be, I will admit that being fair has never put me at a greater advantage nor has being beige put me at a disadvantage.
In the end, persistent hard work has helped me to make it through my work with flying colors (pun #2). In fact, I can now understand the craze behind extremely fair Americans wanting to get tanned at the beach during the summer, compared to my fairness creams using/hiding under the shade of an umbrella to preserve elitist fair skin tone/bleaching counterparts in India.
Here are some real interviews from beach lovers:
“I’m tired of looking so pale and I want some REAL color (and sun burns)” – White girl
“I’m tired of this long blizzard of a winter and I wanna go ogle some chicks at the beach” – White boy
Last but not least, the most important truth- Most Americans are not as hairy as Indians. This brings me to the next topic.
HAIRINESS
Body hair is actually a good thing because it helps to protect our delicate skin from the sun’s harsh rays. Here ‘s a quick breakdown of societal preferences regarding body hair for both genders based on a survey of 2 people- satire and ire:
For women:
Hair is acceptable on the head, preferably if it is long, shiny and voluminous and if you can’t achieve it, weave it!*
Eyebrows- Keep just enough hair to be able to emote more expressions than Katrina Kaif ever did**
Everywhere else – wax, shave, laser, pluck or pray it away with a Harry Potter charm.
*I was shocked when a friend told me that Beyonce’s hair is not her own but actually a wig. The hair donations at Tirupati temple have been selling like hotcakes for decades to make such wigs abroad. Holy Hair!!
**KK, don’t take it personally. You’re a good dancer but so was Madhuri Dixit who is an iconic star. I’m sure you work hard. So do the spot boys and everyone else in the industry. Sooner or later, you’re going to have to act more than just smiling. That small boy in Bombay Talkies performed better than you. Even that ostrich in Dibakar Banerji’s brilliant homage to Satyajit Ray performed better than you.
For men:
Try to maintain more hair on your head than on your body. If you can’t, no problem. Use a lawn mower to shave away your chest hair like Akshay Kumar and Anil Kapoor may have done, or wax it all off and release your inner metrosexual. Rawr!
As for any instances of receding hairline, implant hair follicles on your forehead like Ranbir Kapoor and Salman Khan did to maintain their youthful looks. Or just be like Dhanush or Nawazuddin Siddiqi who let their true talent speak more for themselves.
Conclusion:
We did not land on earth by auctioning on the types of skull shapes, jaw and cheekbone structures or the expected proportion of fatty mass in our bust to our gluteus maximus to the size of our waist. There isn’t an option to concoct the type of DNA that will make us similar to Marilyn Monroe or Rocky. Over time, some of us change what we can change under the surgeon’s knife, in spite of the fact that our nose, our eyes, our skin color etc are all beautiful the way we got ’em. People are free to get as many cosmetic changes as they wish especially for those individuals who have been unfortunate victims of accidents, acid attacks and other types of crimes that marred their natural, innocent beauty. However, there are some folks who just take it too far (insert picture of tanning mom Patricia Krentcil who took her 5 year old daughter to a tanning booth). It may be in our human nature to seek control over everything we can get our “paintbrush” hands on but at the end of the day, external beauty is an illusion.
I wish eradicating a crippling mentality like patriarchy could be possible the same way as putting a few drops of a vaccine in a baby’s mouth so he or she would grow up treating everyone not better nor weaker, but respectfully, as his or her equal.
Whilst we can’t invent a medicine for this, we can take inspiration from the strategy implemented in polio eradication initiative in India. In 2009, India had 741 reported cases of the virus, the most for any nation in the world. However, since January 3rd 2011, we have not seen any new case being reported. Today we can celebrate over two years of being free from this epidemic and more years of freedom lie ahead of us.
This is truly a great achievement!
How did we make this happen?
Well according to polioeradication.org, “this mobilization was supported by innovative approaches including targeting families on trains and trekking by foot to immunize India’s most mobile and remote populations as well as working with religious leaders in Muslim communities to urge parents to immunize their children.”
A government plays a positive role in passing laws to protect and provide justice to the citizens of a government. The government of India needs to improve service from dialing the 100 national emergency helpline so that it can be as effective as America’s 911 response system. The Indian police needs to be more independent of ministerial blackmailing so they can serve people better. The Indian Legislature needs to pass laws that allow women to hold equity and leadership positions in Parliament. The Hindu Succession Amendment Act of 2005 was one such successful amendment to the Hindu’s Women Right to Property Act going back to 1937! After many changes, this 2005 Amendment Act allows a daughter to have equal rights as the son in taking ownership of land left by their father and this in turn, gives daughters equal respect.
In addition, the Indian government needs to improve transportation systems because traveling is a necessity for commerce and creating safer roads, buses, autos and trains, will make our people safer as well. Perhaps, if that couple in Dec 2012 had not been denied an autorickshaw that night or the private bus was properly authorized for use and not in the hands of criminals, then we could have saved Jyoti Singh Pandey’s life today.
Ultimately the onus of the problem lies on our own shoulders.
As citizens, we are accountable for not exercising our voting rights to elect sound representatives and where possible, we should try to educate others using the same polio eradication mobilization strategy that cured us of a major health affliction.
We can all take inspiration from the efforts of Gulabi Gang, “an extraordinary women’s movement formed in 2006 by Sampat Pal Devi in the Banda District of Uttar Pradesh in Northern India. This region is one of the poorest districts in the country and is marked by a deeply patriarchal culture, rigid caste divisions, female illiteracy, domestic violence, child labour, child marraiges and dowry demands.” Ms Devi understands the importance of empowering women about their basic human rights and educating men about the same. http://www.gulabigang.in/
Here’s a video about their efforts to eradicate patriarchy by helping both men and women who are awaiting justice.
In 2013, let us take ownership of our own thinking, rather than playing mind games and blaming each other for the way we think and act.
It would be unfair to blame all men just because they have a penis and castration as a punishment will not solve anything for this is a mental sickness. Similarly, it is not right to side with all women just because we have a uterus because unfortunately, there are still some women out there who carry this wretched mentality as well.
I urge all people, men and woman, to abolish this feudal, patriachal mentality.
Even if you think are are free from it, think again.
Marriage/Work
If you a modern thinking man who wants a modern wife who can still work as a slave at home because that’s how you saw your mother doing it, sacrificing everything for your upbringing, your education, while your father did the earning to make the man you are today, then I’m sorry but you still have a hint of that mentality. Compromises and sacrifices are expected in a union of marriage by both partners but it would be unfair to expect one spouse to make all the adjustments. Tidying the house, cooking meals, quitting your job for your newborn’s care etc. all are personal decisions to be sorted out together. Avoiding generalizations but a mother will usually love to stay at home and be devoted to her kids but if she is capable and merits a promotion when she rejoins the workforce, we should make room for those opportunities in our offices and not disrepute her by falsely assuming that she may have gotten her way to the top because of poor character. I’ve seen many companies, including some that my friends and I’ve worked in myself, that have women with tremendous work experience and are highly admired in great leadership positions. I will not make any correlation but these are award-winning companies performing in the top of their sectors.
In short, as decision-makers, we should try our best to put ourselves in our each other’s shoes to make the choices that are sound for everyone as a family, company and country.
Parenting
It is your moral obligation as a member of society to instill good values in your children. But if you are a mother or father who treats your son will more respect, love, attention than your daughter; if your family educates the son more than the daughter; if you hold your daughter back from her aspirations because she is meant to work in the kitchen, not an office, and worst; if you are educated enough to still blame your daughter for being teased, assaulted or raped because she exposed *gasp* her feet, her neck, her face in public or mainly because she wasn’t “careful” enough (definition of careful is lacking here), then by jolly, please contact me and I will introduce you to many parents, including my own, who will help you to understand the wonders of giving equal respect to your offspring.
Specifically for Women
If you are a mother who wants a daughter-in-law to bear a son and only a son; or you harass her for more dowry; or you physically or mentally torture her because, well, you consider yourself superior by foolishly forgetting your own gender; then you need serious help. I would send you to the nearest mental institution unless there are rapes happening there as well. I really can’t say anymore with surety, one place, where a woman is safe in India. A displeasing image of thousands of women huddled inside bomb shelters as the savage men fight among themselves to death comes to mind now.
Oh wait, but that’s medieval mentality Sakshi. Long gone today.
Then I urge to you to keep listening to some of the news reports surfacing everyday.
Women should be able to exercise their basic human rights, their intellect, and their sexuality just as much as men. This is not just another feminist wolf cry. Men and women are designed differently for a reason but I wish men could understand what it feels like to bleed every month so that we can become capable of strapping another human being to our bodies for more than half a year. If you cannot handle that truth, then just read and absorb and say no more. I speak for the women who have been silenced too long.
You were not made in a factory, you were born in a women’s womb.
Why should a woman face such violence because she is considered inferior for being blessed with the gift of carrying someone just like you in her body?
Even if your parents were different from your biological parents, ask yourself, would you be here today if you were not nurtured by your mother and/or guardian’s love?
Can you can live without your grandmother, your mother, your sister, your wife, your daughters or in general, without having women equally participating in society?
My guess is, no you can’t.
Regardless of who you are and where you come from, ask yourself these questions everyday till you don’t get rid of this mentality.
Imagine yourself as a rich executive who can enjoy the finer things in life. Let’s say you build a big empire and your products are in great demand. Now, every one of your shops are making big sales. Life is good as long as you keep raking in the money. Now let’s say some hoodlums break into a couple of your stores and vandalize them. Your sales suffer slightly. But don’t worry, the police will help you out. What are they for anyway? But the police start neglecting their duty and following the way of vandalism themselves. Now the money stops pouring in completely. What are you going to buy for yourself now? A small island where no one can threaten you?
Ok, let’s imagine another situation. You make lots of money, enough to enjoy the best of foods in the market, best clothing, best house, essentially the best lifestyle. Now someone comes along and defies morality by poisoning your food. No worries because you can afford the best treatment. But the doctors no longer make the effort to save you because they can make more money elsewhere saving another rich victim or they treat you poorly by overdosing you with more medication than your body can handle. Even if we presume that you will be saved and have enough money to sue the doctor and the server of your food with a great lawyer, even he may come around and bite you in the ass. How long before you realize it is not just about the money?
Dear citizens of social networks, morals take precedence. Teach your kids to learn to become better human beings who strive hard and work smart for every dollar they earn because money has a way of quickly changing you as a person.
Morals run the world, not money.
Why is that investment bankers, a field dominated by men in high ranks, mostly trade on artificial commodities, interest rate differentials, bet on risky securities that have little no inventive value, yet make great sums of money; but social workers, a field dominated by women in high ranks, who try to balance the inequities in distribution of wealth, human rights and social inequalities end up being one of the least compensated? The world can probably use more investment bankers if they invest towards meaningful science, technology and artistic areas of innovation that promote talent not greed, but the world desperately needs more healers, more listeners, more social workers.
For my non-desi friends, I would like to introduce the following speech from one of my favorite movies, 3 Idiots.
It is nothing but a strong play on the word “balaktar” (rape) to replace “chamatkar” (miracle).
Everyone cracked up when they first heard this speech to prove a point that one shouldn’t memorize or rote-learn their way out in life because sooner of later life is going to fuck you over. Pardon my language. But that is the literal translation.
Like a bad omen, this speech has become eerily true for the disrespecting males of India and many others like them in different parts of the world.
Some “munni” is getting “badnamed’ because her innocent “jawaani” (age no bar) is suddenly difficult to tolerate and she suffers silently, keeping her mouth closed “fevicol se” as the shameless culprits pat themselves on the shoulder for proving their manhood.
Read this speech again. For us desis, we may laugh some more till our belly hurts. But I urge you, read again and again till you get my point.
Peechle battis saal se inhone nirantar is college mein balatkar pe balatkar kiye.
Our principal has raped time and time again for the last twenty years.
Umeed hai aagey bee karte rahege.
We hope he will continue doing so.
Hamein to aashcharya hota hai ki ek insaan apne jeevan kaal mein itni balatkar kaisi kar sakta hai.
We, the students, are surprised that how can one person rape so much in one lifetime.
Inhone kadi tapaasya se apne aapko is kaabil bunaya hai.
He has worked hard and prepared himself well to become such a capable rapist.
Waqt ka sahi upyog ghante ka purna istemaal koi inse seeke. Seeke inse seeke.
Everyone should learn how to use their time full and wisely from this man to rape some more.
Aaj hum sab chaatra yaha hai,
Today, we are all students
Kal desh videsh mein fail jayenge.
Tomorrow, we will be flourishing over the world
Waadaa hai aapse jis desh mein honge waha balatkar karenge,
I promise to you that no matter where we go, we will continue to rape
I.C.E ka naam roshan karenge.
We will make our (University/Country) proud.
Dika denge sabko jo balatkar karne ki kshamtaa yaha ke chaatro mein hai wo sansaar ke kisi chaatro mein nahi.
We will show everyone that no one else in the world has the capability to rape better than our own Indian counterparts.
No other chaatra. No other chaatra.
No one else.
I think these rest of the following lines on “sthan” (breasts, yes some men have them too) are completely applicable for women, who, by simply following their normal life routine, are somehow demonstrating that we are hiding something so special that it needs to be abused by rapists.
Sthan hota sabi ke paas hai.
Sab chupa ke rakte hai, detaa koi nai.
Aapne apna sthan is balatkari purush ke haat mein diya hai,
ab dekiye yeh kaisa iska upyog karta hai
Everyday we hear about more and more cases of rape:
Every fucking day.
Gang or individual
In private or public
Tortured to death or alive
In daylight or at night
Minor or adult victim
Remote area or major metropolitan city
Sadly there are many more categories that we can dissolve these crimes into, the two biggest being-
Reported or unreported and
Received justice or still waiting for their case to be heard.
It’s bad enough that these crimes happen. It’s worse that we have so many in number that we can neatly classify them into these buckets, debate in circles and turn around to see another one happening.
Hearing these reports, I wonder what kind of a country was I born in?
The same country that gave the world the wonders of Gita, yoga, ayurveda and many more jewels of wisdom that the Western world is opening its arms to and thriving on today.
I learned more about my religion and Gita spirituality in a simple New York City temple where hundreds of all faiths, and backgrounds gather in peace than my recent trip to Vrindavan, a holy pilgrimage site where “tour guides” would haggle me for money to put into their pockets and if I don’t, then my life is at risk and I will live miserably without the blessings of God, in essence, perpetuating fear in the name of religion. But that’s another story and another blog post waiting to happen.
Why is India moving so backward in the one area which practically runs the world?
I am speaking of morality, not money.
What kind of signal are women in India getting? Women that are strong, intelligent and very much capable of surviving without their male counterparts if we had to. A signal that if we leave our homes past 10p, 9p, 8p, 7p…now what is it 10am?….we are practically asking for trouble? There’s a thin line between something being a respectable threshold and being considered insanity. Should we all move abroad? Should we hide inside like a coward?
How would these men feel if we women starting hitting them on public buses, clubs, parks (and almost everything other venue where a woman had been raped) with iron rods, at their weakest point which they might consider their strongest source of manliness. Should we get justice by doing what Usha Narayane and other women in Kasturba Nagar did to Akku Yadav, a rapist and murderer, who terrorized the lives of hundreds of families for a decade and bribed the police for his own security?
No, don’t turn into one of them.
We have a great law system guys.
They’ll do something.
Relax.
No, you can’t do tit for tat.
I’m sorry but did my just saying “tit” signal that I’m open to getting assaulted?
These rapists, we can call them, uncouth bastards, worst scumbags of the earth and many other names to appease our boiling rage for the acts they have committed. But men are not alone. Many women allow such acts to perpetuate in their homes against their daughter-in-laws or fellow kin in their circle, in brothels etc. taking out the violence against their own gender. It hurts even more when women don’t support each other.
How would these men feel if I told them working in a company and earning money does not nearly even come close to running a household. I’ve been on both sides of the equation and I can safely say that the amount of responsibilities that come with taking care of a family’s needs at home are a billion times more hard work than completing projects for your boss. I’m sure there are some men that carry out these roles of a “househusband” as the women go to work and I say, kudos to you for breaking the stereotype and now please go tell everyone else just how much more difficult it is to sacrifice everything, be unpaid and still be content enough to keep doing it for the family.
I am lost at words to understand what can be really done.
These men and women can very well even get a degree and stamp that symbol of “I’m educated” on their asses, yet they are far from it. They may even pray and sing “aartis” to the many Goddesses (Parvati, Durga, Lakshmi) for blessings, forgetting very well the wrath of Goddess Kali. How have we become so hypocritical? I can no longer blindly sing praises of “Incredible India” as these atrocities continue. The basic driving conscience of treating others as you would want to be treated, or doing good karma to receive good karma, and simply put, just being a respectful human being seems to have evaded their minds at some point when they were growing up.
It is not a paucity of literacy programs I am concerned with now, it is raising awareness that even the most reputed and most admired men and women in power positions may get away with this backward thinking (*cough* some politicians). No one change our thinking but ourselves. It has to come from within.
Damini’s life will not go in vain. We will get her and many others like her the justice they deserve. You will find that these women are quite the resolute fighters themselves, so take inspiration and kudos to you for your efforts.
I will keep doing whatever I can to fight for them. Even if I may die screaming my lungs out.
Right now, personally, moving back to Delhi to work, enjoy its nightlife (wherever it’s not infested with such scum) and live a secure life seems like a distant dream. But it will surely come. One day.
The news of the Connecticut shooting, only a few weeks old, saddened all our hearts. We lost innocent victims that didn’t even get the chance to experience a proper childhood, let alone, a full life of other blessings that people, alive today, may take for granted.
We were all marveled by the news of the teachers and the woman principal that dedicated their lives to education of young thinkers. One story that particularly touched my heart was about Vicki Soto, a 27 year old teacher, a bright and beautiful woman, who wanted to make a difference in the lives of her students. And she did just that by saving their lives, a true hero and a manifestation of all the bravery and goodness that you can find in a person. She was a true angel.
Now, I always remember Vicki when I volunteer with children as part of the Reading Partners organization. I volunteer for the simple reason that I love kids and I would adopt them all if I could. The fact that I help kids with reading and speaking skills is nothing worthy of mention but the collective work of the organization surely is and this is true for any group that works together to bring change. Reading Partners helps young students to improve their critical reading skills, a simple yet necessary development, that many kids are still struggling with, putting them at a great disadvantage with their classmates. At the particular time and day that I volunteer in the Lower East Side of Manhattan, I see many women, from all walks of life, passionately dedicate their time with the elementary school kids. Even the program coordinator is a woman. I respect men and I’m sure there are men involved with this project and other noble projects that help our community. Regardless, I know that if, god forbid, any mentally unstable individual was to come and threaten these kids, Vicki will always be our inspiration.
Speaking of unstable minds, there was another shocking development a few days ago, of an aspiring medical student, 23 years old, being brutally raped and tortured by a gang of men in New Delhi. It brought my blood to boiling rage once again and I’m sure it did the same for many others which is why we see the people of India fighting for women’s rights in every headline. The actual description of the incident was as inhuman as it could possibly be. But it is incredible to hear that the medical student is not backing down. She continues to fight bravely in the hospital because she wants to live. And this attitude speaks wonders for how we should live our own.
She is my age. It could have been me. It could have been your sister, your friend, but she is more than our relationships to her. She is a woman with just as many human rights as the rest of us.
India is finally revolting but it took a woman, dressed in “appropriate” clothing, coming from a social activity of a watching a movie, at the hour of the night deemed “acceptable”, with a male companion we would have hoped was for her protection, to go through so much suffering and violence along with her friend and ultimately get dumped on the streets. I wonder if she had been abused at another hour, in another location, would we finally have had the sense to react the way we should be doing now? That thought disturbs me far more.
What about the ongoing rapes of the women in the adjacent neighborhood in Haryana who have been crying wolf since God knows how many ages? What about the one lady whose father was murdered for fighting her case but her words were, “I couldn’t save my father but I will continue to fight because I don’t want other women to go through the torture I did”? Or the young girl openly molested as the media was watching in Assam? Or others in the rest of India and the world?
We may come across people that deeply hurt us in our lifetime. They may abandon us, divorce us, even verbally abuse us. I grew up with the philosophy to forgive those who hurt us, move on and be a stronger person than before. However, how can anyone forgive such horrid instances of getting raped, tortured and almost killed?
I am sick and tired of hearing statistics that show that rape isn’t as prevalent if you look at it from a percentage of the population in this diagram or that there are uneducated hoodlums settling into the cities that cause such crimes or advice about doing XYZ to protect my own integrity. Having grown up in Delhi, getting lewd remarks was a bare minimum. Getting groped by strangers also happened to me twice. I am sick and tired of being silent and polite just because I am a woman.
After moving to the States, I feel safer. I can travel on my own in buses and trains and trust that I will be ok. I recently took some self-defense classes in New York City as a precautionary measure and discovered that all of the fifteen women in the class with me had been or were experiencing some form of violence from men. Three of them had male stalkers. Five of them had been assaulted even with a male companion.
I felt like an anomaly for all the wrong reasons.
The female instructor, who had been trained in judo and karate for a decade, taught us how to use our instincts, shout, use pepper spray, bite, use our elbows and any open hands and feet to kick, punch whatever we could do to fight. And then what? To eventually get the hell away from our attacker as soon as possible. If a martial arts expert like her was telling us that, then what chance does a regular woman have to protect herself?
The Indian authorities are suggesting guns for women but putting any harmful object in the hands of the public can be easily misused, especially by the attacker. They say to increase the police force and station them in women’s colleges, near metros, markets etc. This reminds me of the time when my friend and I were casually walking during the day in the “posh” GK colony in India several years ago. A car without a license plate approached us and a man inside groped her and tried to get her into the car. As we repelled, the men in the car harassed us with sexual remarks and finally sped away. A police constable luckily observed all this from far away and started running after the vehicle. He was only armed with a ‘lathi’ stick. We urged him to take further action but all he said was, “Rehne do na madam, rape thoda nahi hua hai iska” (Leave it madam, it’s not like she got raped!)
One of my favorite movies, Jab We Met, has another brilliant instance where Geet, the Kareena Kapoor character is running after the hero and asks for the help of a policeman who just flounders his time around and doesn’t do anything. But the scene that really scares me is when she is stuck on a train station with no place to go and a gang of men start harassing her. Even the station master calls her “khuli hui tijori” (a woman is like an open treasure for the men to take). If it wasn’t for the hero in the movie, she would have either been kidnapped by the man on the motorcycle who mistook her for a prostitute or surely raped by the workers at the station. That scene is shown with a humorous twist but she would have easily been another nameless victim whose case would have never reached the courts.
All these examples further cement my understanding that women, not just in Delhi but all over the world need to keep defending themselves till we don’t have a revolution in the mentality of sick minded men and women who perpetuate the notion that a woman is inferior. And for us to achieve this, we need to keep aside our prejudices, our social classes, and any other man-made differences. We need to continue helping each other as one race of humanity, the only kind there is.
I know about a close relative who is suffering from an incurable disease. He has to be hospitalized often for his treatment, sometimes for one day, sometimes for many days altogether. But he is always flanked by three people to be there for him whenever he needs help. His mother, his wife and his daughter. It wouldn’t matter if the hospital didn’t have enough space for those three, they would sleep on the floor to stay by his side every night in the hospital. On the day of the snow storm in November, he had to reach his hospital in the City for a specific treatment urgently and 911 couldn’t help because they would only take him to a local hospital. His daughter took out the car in the blinding whiteness of the snow, the mother and the wife carried him in the car and got him there in time.
All these women, Vicki, the medical student, the woman from Haryana, the family of this man, and many others, they are all my heroes. I know I can continue to appreciate life because women like these exist.
With all the recent news of natural calamities, bombings and killings in Middle East, shootings and stories of injustice dampening our view of the world, I urge you to find the goodness in the world, believe in it, and don’t just sit there, but be a part of it in whatever shape or form you can be.
After my fair share of self-introspection from disheartening/life-changing experiences in the past and present, I am content with what I have and I no longer ask for any favors from God. But if I truly asked for one last one, I would pray to him to please bless me with a daughter.
kismatandkarma 